Snoink

Oh, but this is a lovely beginning! I think it would be lovely still if it were developed just a little more and you would describe the beach a little ...

I saw a grammar error, but I'm hoping someone else points it out, because I don't want to refind it. :P Anyway! Here are my notes. And mind you, I ...

A couple of thoughts: First of all, the first narrator either seems like a girl or an old man. This is because the voice just sounds really really bitter. And ...

Right now, it's kind of weird, because although Amin is obviously blubbering and stuff, we don't really see what connection he has with Jesus, other than he knows about the ...

Wait, is this for school? 1. Cite your sources! Give us juicy meat as references so this piece is not just your opinion... it's your opinion backed by a bunch ...

Okay... I would add more sex in this but... um... that's obvious. Anyway! When you said "four legs" it threw me off. Remember how I said that I was bad ...

I don't like the word "images" in the second to last line. Half of me says, "Add more stuff!" since it seems to be slightly cliffhanger-ish at the end, and ...

Hola! This poem seems a bit too disconnected and underdeveloped to me. Maybe it's just because I hate politics, but it seems like one of those annoying political speeches on ...

Just a thought: ee cummings, a poet back in the day, actually did a lot of experimentation with the style and spacings and formating and whatnot, so you're definitely going ...

The empty space beside me Once housed the most inspiring soul

For some reason, when I read your poem, I thought of Allen Ginsberg's America (watch out for the F-word). Yep. One huge difference between your poem and that poem is ...

XD I would probably stick with the first line and then throw everything else out. Why? Well, first of all, I am an evil poet. But! But! I would replace ...

It sounds like you're working on this still, so I guess I'll critique! :P PROLOGUE It sucks. Get rid of it. CHAPTER 1 The argument between the mom and the ...

Hola! I am Shiva, destroyer of worlds. Or, alternatively, Snoink, destroyer of poetry. But you knew that... I am just being silly. Anyway! Let's look over your poem, shall we? ...

You keep on repeating the word crazy, yet it doesn't really seem crazy. In fact, and this sounds weird, but it sounds normal . Crazy, isn't it? ;) So I ...