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Re: Leander's Story Pt. 2
Hahaha, at first I thought this was going to turn into a ghost story... but this is even better! I love Hero, lol. He's awesome. Of course, Leander's kind of ...
May 31, 2010 -
Re: Word pallandrome
Hahaha, very clever, FlyerS! I don't think it quite works as poetry (it's a bit awkward and stilted, really), so it's definitely not the greatest poem out there, but I ...
May 31, 2010 -
Re: Blooming in May; act I
Hey Kook! It's not everyday that you find a musical on YWS! :D So! 1. Make the lyrics longer! This is obviously a musical, so you want to make the ...
May 31, 2010 -
Re: A last dance in darkness
Hey BlanchKe! :D This piece is very weird! I really like the prologue... the narrator is kind of in your face about the whole death thing and the fact that ...
May 31, 2010 -
Re: The Dragon War
Hey Jarred! I know this probably isn't fun to write, but I'm curious about Aeron's and Maddie's relationship! What's going on there? You don't have to be totally explicit, but ...
May 31, 2010 -
Re: The Dragon War
Hey Jarred! When you posted Chapters 5 and 6, you put chapter 7 there as well! So there is a repeat chapter here! :) Now, the funeral! It seems unlikely ...
May 31, 2010 -
Re: sappy love song (aka mess with your head?)
Hey mixed! :D So! Your first verse was all about moving on and then you started talking about the past, so it seemed like you weren't talking about moving on ...
May 31, 2010 -
Re: Zombies Want My Brain, Part 2 *Revised*
Hey EA! I'm coming back for more! :D I want more insanity! You teased us in the first chapter with the threat of zombies and this kind of seemed random, ...
May 31, 2010 -
Re: Zombies Want My Brain, part 1
Oh man.... this was awesome! I love how humorous it is and everything. The intro made me laugh (now THAT'S how you do a prologue!) and the story was just ...
May 31, 2010 -
Re: The Dragon War Chapter 5 & 6
Hey Jarred! First of all, I wanted to point out that you have two chapter sixes in this post! It's a bit weird, so you might want to edit that ...
May 31, 2010 -
Re: The Dragon War Chapter 3 & 4
Hello again! This might just be me being crazy, but there are some parts of this story that really remind me of Eragon, such as him being able to communicate ...
May 31, 2010 -
Re: The Dragon war Chapter 1
Hey Jarred! Oy, yes, the writing does seem to be a little young! But when you get ready for publication, I hope you'll revise these chapters. They seem very quick! ...
May 31, 2010 -
Re: Prolouge of The Dragon Wars
Hey Jarred! I think it would be better for you to just get rid of the prologue and let us dive into the juicier parts of the book. After all, ...
May 31, 2010 -
Re: Little One
Aww! I love poems from parents about their kids. :) So cute! The main thing is that it says your "strong hands/cradling..." but it makes it sound like the baby ...
May 31, 2010 -
Re: Lies Like Roses and Thorns
Hey silentpages! What an excellent short story! At one point in the middle, I was really anxious... I was afraid that the king would have his way and it would ...
May 31, 2010