Sierra

Heya, Alzora!!! I've already torn this apart, and i like it how it is now, so yeah . . . Keep writing! ~Sar-sar~

A little more description, please. Other than that it was wonderful!!

Wow. This was soooooooooooooooooo good! Tell me if you write more! I loved the suspense and the ending!

This was very good! Please tell me when you post more!

AWESOME!!!!

I really liked this. A little more emotion would be nice, though. Keep writing!

I suggest you shorten it up a bit. It was a bit much to take in. Other then that it was very good.

First of all, fix the format. It's very hard to read in one block of writing like it is now. Make several paragraphs. Other then that is was VERY good. ...

Please, someone, comment! please!

Wow. Just WOW. This is absolutley completely amazing. I could feel all of the emotion, all of the pain. Wonderful. I have no nitpicks. Your doing NaNo? Me too! This ...

I like this, but i think you need to make it longer and add more description. Have fun with it, make something interesting happen.

Nice, ReisePiecey. Considering how short this is, i suggest you use it as preface or something. I like how even though its short, its intriguing. it makes me want to ...

Nice, funkyreg101. I suggest putting in a little more description, and maybe some dialogue. You could definitely make this longer, and i would like to know where your character is ...

Sooooooooooo cute!!!! You could serious make this an actual story, though. I don't think i could write this well when i was six . . . you had very interesting ...

Wonderful! I read the original, and this is definitely better. I would love to read more.