Published August 5, 2010
Hey! I just remembered that I wrote this in China when I was about 6. This is the original version, no edits. I literally laughed out loud when I read it. Enjoy!!
Chapter 1
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Zoey. She was walking in a street with lots of green trees. She suddenly remembered she had a bad dream last night, but she could not remember what it was at all. Oh well, she thought, who cares! She walked and walked toward the sun.
Chapter 2
A hobo came up to Zoey. He had one eye-patch and rotten teeth. "You are in danger, young lady." He hobbled away.
Huh? thought Zoey.
Chapter 3
Suddenly, there was a tornado, big and black and scary! Ahh, yelled Zoey.
Haha, I'll try to find more if you guys like it!!
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139,421 Literary Works • 672,559 Reviews
Aww...so cute! I remember writing so many of these when I was little. I wrote one called "The Book of Luke" that was about five pages of pictures of just my brother at the zoo and I wrote captions under them all. "This is Luke." "Luke is eating ice cream." "I like Luke." "Luke is my brother." Good times...
This was awesome! (For a six year old.) It made me smile and I definitely want to read more!
This was awesome! (For a six year old.) It made me smile and I definitely want to read more!
This isn't bad for a six-year old's first chapter book.
If this is, as you say, the original version with no edits, the spelling and grammar content of your story is practically spotless at first glance!
) I think it's cute that you still have it, and the story has the potential to be expanded upon and turned into a really compelling piece now that you have a bit more experience as a writer. 
And your six-year old self's descriptiveness of characters is nice. "He had one eye patch and rotten teeth." So maybe "one" is a bit extraneous (I've yet to see somebody with two eye patches ... although I can't say I want to), but it works.
You definitely build up suspense with Chapter Two, where Zoey meets the hobo. I'm curious if the tornado is really the danger of which the hobo warned Zoey, and how he'd have known. There's surely a logical explanation, but part of me wants to think his warning of upcoming danger was somehow supernatural....
Like I said, this story isn't bad for a very first chapter book. (My first was about 9 pages, tops, with half-page chapters. Maybe 13 if I added page breaks on the word processor, but I don't think I knew how to do that back then.
Please do find more. I so love stories from little kids.
Aww. Cute! I need to read more xD
That was great
ha-ha. It put a smile on my face, thanks for sharing!!!
Your short story really brought a smile on my face after days WritingWords.. It was so cute. Loved it.
That was so cute. I could only hope that I could finding my writings from that long ago. But due to me and my mom moving so much, most of my stories, poems, and short stories got lost while moving. It kind of bummed me out for a while, because it would have been really nice to have looked back and saw how I progressed. Oh well, can’t change the past.
*dabs tearful eyes with a handkerchief* *whispers dramatically* that was the most beautiful thing I have ever read.
*dabs tearful eyes with a handkerchief* *whispers dramatically* that was the most beautiful thing I have ever read.
Omg! That was so funny! xD I remember using the name Zoey before for something like "Zoey and the butterflies" I think I was about around the same age.
This is so cute! I keep finding stories I wrote when I was little! I laughed out loud when I read mine too! XD
-SnazzyPencil
Thank you SO much, you guys! I can't believe how many likes this recieved!! I literally had my mouth gaped open when I saw the number. I hope it did make it on the Featured Works. I don't know, did anyone see it?
Many people encouraged me to develope this story into a cute chapter book. Well, should I? I'm afraid it's going to lose it's "cuteness" once I make it go into depth. I really don't know. Tell me what YOU think in the comments below!!
Once again, THANK YOU for the "likes"!!
Sooooooooooo cute!!!! You could serious make this an actual story, though. I don't think i could write this well when i was six . . . you had very interesting ideas.
awwwww... it's soooo cute!
Hello Writing Words
. Anyways great job and it would really great if you continued it. You could count on me reading it.
This was so cute and fun to read. I can't believe you wrote this when you were six. My six year old brother couldn't write something as good as this. If you were writing this when you were six I wonder what your writing now
-lilgreendots
Hey there, WritingWords. =)
This is adorable. Melts my heart; even at six, you were writing brilliantly. What an imagination you must have - and ooh, you are twelve now, yes? Maybe it is time for you to revisit this story. Obviously, it would take a lot of work, but you could make this into a cute, cute chapter book. I would say "a real one" but this is real.
I did, however, have a few nitpicks. I won't comment on the writing itself - because, I would be evaluating a six year old, not your current self. Anyways, I have a feeling the name Zoey isn't right for this character. Maybe an "Amber" or "Tara"?
Well, this was very nice.
You'll have to let me see some of your current work some time.
x Mizz
Haha, this is really cute, it made me smile
. Children's stories rule!
Anyway, keep the chapters coming! ^^
Again, please "like" this! I have never been on the Featured Works before, and I really want to see how it's like. Thanks!
Hey guys! Please "like" this if you think it is cute. I would really appreciate it!!
Hello, Writing!
This was very cute and also very short. This could be a very good story if you added more description, imagery, and plot. This needs a lot more flesh on it's story bones if you want this to be something good. But, for the way it is now, this was amazing! My sister is six and she can hardly read or write now. Like I said, this is very cute and it made me laugh. Hobos know a lot, we should stop taking them for granted.
ReisePiecey!
You know, you could really turn this into a good story. It's actually pretty good for a six-year-old!
My eight year old says this.
Great story. Especially for a six year - old.
This is soooo cute!
Haha, thanks! Maybe I will...
That was so cute, WritingWords! It is so funny the things little kids will come up with. Sometimes, they think of really good story premises. I honestly think you should elaborate on this and make it a really chapter book! Do you know how you wanted it to end?