Shine

Hey Welcome to Yws carelessaussie13. Your poem was really good, Keep up the good job. Keep writing and postiong in here. -Ani

huh,totally needs pathetic.com. Anyway welcome to YWS.

I liked the third para. Keep writing.

Ok first of all why LOTUS? starting was really good,but the middle para sounded a bit vague. This poem needs to be revised a bit. Keep writing. I shall be ...

Yeah compared to other lines the first line was too long This was a bit vague to me. Good try. Keep writing.

Yeah rewriting would be good. Best of luck! -Ani

Hey BirthdayPirate, Wow renga is cool,and ur poem is cool too. Keep writing. -Ani

Hey ilubdraco! That was really nice and ofcourse the revised one is even nicer. Keep writing and posting it in here. -Ani

That was nice. Keep writing.

Yeah it needs punctuations. And i agree ur style is unique. Keep writing and posting it in here Would love to read more of ur works. And Welcome to YWS. ...

Do u really hate school? The poem was good. keep writing and posting.

Hey that was good. Is it really ur first poem(as the title says) or didu just gave the title like that. Anyway keep writing.

That is just wonderful.

interesting!Well done.

Emm... ending was not very clear to me,the poem has emotions and feelings into it. Well done!