Words

Thanks for all the comments, suggestions, welcomes...
I'll try to take the suggestions on board, and insert the punctuation, I didn't even notice that I hadn't put any in
And yeah, simplistic was pretty much what I was going for
Thanks again

The rhyming seemed a little strained at points, although it isn't entirely noticeable on the first read. Looking back on it, all three stanzas could be improved if the rhyming was obliterated, or at least made a bit smoother.

Other than that, very nice. Leaves me wondering what the word is...

Yeah it needs punctuations.

And i agree ur style is unique.
Keep writing and posting it in here
Would love to read more of ur works.

And Welcome to YWS.


-Ani.

i will repeat what the others have said-the flow is simply wonderful. the short lines work really magically to give a new and pleasant feel to your poem.

and i also agree , the idea's a bit vague.

most importantly-you forgot your punctuations; do put them.

I read it aloud and it flowed in my head so beautifully!
Awesome work! It makes my first poem (I posted today) seem so bad...lol....keep up the great work!
Pandora

This is rather simplistic and vague. If that's what you were going for, great. If not, you need to be more specific (One what? What did "You" have to say? Or did you mean stay?) and have the stanzas connect somehow, instead of just being a jumble of nice-sounding words as they are right now. Maybe you could add more detailed stanzas in between the ones you have. Whatever you do, keep writing. It's the only way to improve.

ooooh! I like this one!
your style is cool
keep on writing!!!
review my poems please!!!!
charlotte