Shimmer

I think it was pretty good, but I agree with Galatea..this just sounds like whining and moaning about the new woman in the man's life. I liked the beginning..you explained ...

I like it..'tis very sweet.. :wink: In some places I felt like the rhythm wasn't very good, but I think that's about it. One the first line of the last ...

The first thing I noticed was how many commas there were. I think you should leave some out; no need for commas at the end of stanzas. In fact, the ...

First of all, let me say this. This is a very dreamy poem, and it reminds me of walking through a quiet fog. Is that how you wanted it to ...

Beautiful and breathtaking, the blackness of the maw, her power leaves me quaking, she leaves everyone else in awe. I like this stanza. The last line has a word too ...