Rydia

Oh dear. Poor ULTRA and INFRA don't seem to be having much luck. Your action in this section was really good but perhaps the demons defeated TEMPO too easily? Afterall, ...

Reading this for a second time, after reading the first parts, makes so much more sense now! Lol. Poor Fin. I wish Halee would make up with him but then, ...

I have to agree that I wasn't fond of the epilogue. It wasn't just the last line, it was everything. The names of the children, the relationships between the children ...

I had. I love Ben and Jerrys! How can people not have heard of it?

Thanks for the comments! You're right, that sentence needs looking at... I shall find somewhere to put a comma. Also, I understand why you highlighted 'realised' but it's spelt like ...

Ah, well not a scene as such but I meant where we get to see his thoughts on the 'Thing.' I suppose I should be more specific.

I like 'Paint the Town Red' but I think you need something that's going to stand out a bit more. Perhaps a title that refers to the orbs or the ...

Well I've never heard of a fourteen year old driving a car but then, I live in England and you can't start learning until your seventeenth birthday and okay, so ...

Really? I've not seen it used in any other way. Oh wait, here we are. It appears that both are okay - 'a. A scene or condition of complete disorder ...

A female Android? Awesome! I love the part in heaven when that angel's talking about her hair. Lol. I could visualise it so well. Also, I like the development of ...

Donne is a poet Claudette dear. I studied him last year and found his poems... interesting. 'The Flea' is one of his better known pieces and you should read it. ...

I agree that the main character should probably be a little older but this sounds like it will be an interesting story and I look forward to reading chapter one.

It's a short scene so not much to critique but it's nice. I like the little insight into Gladman's life and career. Ultra is nosey though. Tut tut. As an ...

Wow, way to throw in a whole bunch of new characters. I liked these scenes but you do have a tendency to bring in lots of sub characters before you've ...

Instead of trod on the last line, you should have tread. The tense change confused me a touch. Other than that, your rhythm is out a little in places but ...