Rydia

Yeah, I agree that the fight scene needs some work but generally I liked this part. But his body and mind [s]was[/s] were telling him he was in a comfortable ...

[s]They’re[/s] their pace had slowed but they had not yet given up. In general, I think this chapter could have been more descriptive and you need to start giving the ...

I really liked this chapter and the three characters you introduced are very interesting. I'm really fond of Vathen and I love the place this is set in. A few ...

Hehe. A very interesting poem, Reyu, but lose some of the rhyme and work on your rhythm. I must say the ending is awesome though and I love the general ...

I think sokool made some excellent points on your sentence structure so pay lots of attention to her post when you're editing. I mostly just have a few typos for ...

How can you feel as if something is wrong? I think that this chapter's just fine. In fact, I love it, especially the discussion between Valery and Erik at the ...

As far as plot and such goes, this was great but your writing seemed a little choppy. A few suggestions - Knall glanced up to check that [s]and make sure[/s] ...

This is very short so my first piece of advice is to extend it. Not loads because it will work best as a short story but add a few details ...

Hi Jabber. You say you're worried about the length and normally I would say that as long as it's all relevant, you should extend and extend and extend as much ...

Just one quick comment on the dialogue - DEE Ouch! Dee, your precious little niece is throwing cookies at me! [I think this is supposed to be said by Rosie, ...

The others seem to have caught all the mistakes but I'd like to make a general observation. This part was interesting but not only was it short, it was also ...

Hi there! Just wanted to let you know that we really appreciate all the critiques you have given to other members of YWS. Here are a few suggestions - Children ...

I really enjoyed this. Your description is good and you've used short sentences very effectively. As far as plot is concerned, there's certainly enough to interest the reader and the ...

A few suggestions - [s]Glancing[/s] He glanced over at the sleeping griffon and then returned to his searching. Most of them had lost his trail and [s]where[/s] were searching carefully ...

I think this section needed more description and the repetition of the 'dead things' got rather annoying. Can't you give them an official name or something? Or perhaps refer to ...