Rydia

This is interesting. I think there could be more description and atmosphere but the characters are well defined (not so much the aunt and uncle though) and the plot is ...

I’d [s]past[/s] passed the half way mark of my pregnancy and I was feeling extremely disorganised. And finally, why I [s]know[/s] now lay under the covers with the picture from ...

I [s]seeked[/s] sought out Tom’s hand and squeezed. ___________________ This chapter was good but I felt that it was a little too simple. I think that it needs to be ...

Two small suggestions - He even had the same black piercing eyes which gave him his scary look. [This is a little awkward. Perhaps 'He even had those small, piercing ...

This is a good start, I think. It’s a little lacking in character and scene description so your atmosphere isn’t as strong as it could be and you need to ...

This is a good start but I'd love to see it expanded; written in more detail, filled with atmosphere and emotion. To some extent, the rather colloquial, story-mode works well ...

The grog must have made it to my system now because there was a somewhat pleasant buzzing in my head. [Both tense and phrasing of this sentence are a touch ...

All you could hear now was the boiling kettle. [This is in second person which breaks the flow a little so i'd suggest changing 'you' to I.] I'm glad that ...

Mum was sat next to me, staring more or less straight at the clock above the receptionist ' s head, that ticked away seemingly unaware of the required silence in ...

“What?!” I screamed. [I think that the question mark is sufficient as the tag indicates the tone of voice used. Using double punctuation really irritates me lately. It looks a ...

Again, a few small points first (you'll soon become familiar with the way I critique prose) - I fingered my electric blue eye liner, feeling like this would belong to ...

A few small comments/ suggestions first, dear - I listened to the shouting. The angry whispers followed by screams had become normal. [I think the beginning would be more dramatic ...

First, I'd like to commend you on a very carefully crafted reflection of Russian literature. I think your description was lacking in places and your change in character perspectives not ...

This is great, Adam. You portray such a strong sense of atmosphere and emotion! Your tense needs some work and I have a few structural suggestions but generally, it can't ...

I haven't read her novel but I've come across her poetry before and touched upon her work somewhere along my English course (Her husband, Ted hughes did a re-write on ...