Ronald559

I'll admit this was pretty good, it flowed very smoothly. Wasn't confusing, "Pain, he could handle, but some else touching him? Someone who was not Arjana?" I hated this line. ...

I only have small comments. It's a different sort of story. Violent. This is the first chapter? The first two paragraphs in my opinion have no business in your story, ...

I see you. I do see a beautiful, confident, and sexy as hell woman. I don't see a fragile, broken girl even though I know you've been through hell. You ...

One thing I thought you should know. You should trim out as much as possible to the events leading up to the last part. We don't need to know everything, ...

Before anyone can speak again. tell me what happens not what doesn't happen. Several points of views in here, and I'm wondering if you want it that way. Or if ...

don't call her a curious secretary we know she's curious, you showed us that when she took it from her. "Isn't he the lawyer who's fighting..." who is to who's. ...

You use adjectives in a weird way. Unusual cold sweat. How can sweat be unusual? Gingerly crawled up his nasal passage. I wouldn't imagine smoke gingerly crawls into nothing, maybe ...

Just a couple of suggestions. "She shivered, sitting on the bed and collecting her thoughts before glancing at her clock. 3:23 in the afternoon." She shivered, and glanced at the ...