Rei

In general, espcially with fantasy novels, it's not a good idea to open it with big chucks of exposition like this. I find what works better is to work in ...

I would love to give you some really harsh critisism, but this was pretty darn good. You kept me interested for the entire story (not an easy task) and made ...

And that's one thing I like about Canada. People are encouraged to keep their own culture at the same time as joining the culture that already exists. My friend Nhan ...

Not bad. The dialogue could be a little better to sound a little more natural (But I'm waay to picky about that, so don't take that too seriously) The overall ...

Once again, good work in the italics, though I'm not sure how it's relavent to the rest of the story. I guess that will become clear later. As for the ...

Youd pace. Okay narrative and diction. The flow was a little choppy, but could be fixed easily with some minor revisions. However, it seemed very superficial, and I didn't get ...

yes. It does show promise for a beginner. However, I think the word cliche has become a cliche. I wish people would stop worry about being so new and fresh ...

So true. I think the thing that makes much of his work so special is that he uses contemporary, social realism and mixes it with ancient lore and mythology. So ...

I really like the passages in italics. Good images, and all right choice of words. The other sections leave something to be desired. The first two sentences, for example. Far ...

I definitely enjoyed reading this. All your facts are accurate and were put into the story at the right point. My only problem with this is the name of your ...

I thought it was dull as anything. It seemed like you were trying to be mysterious at the beginning, but it didn't work, nor does there appear to be any ...

I was simply pointing out that most fanfiction realy doesn't belong here because in most cases, to properly understand the stories, one must have a familiarity with the game/manga/anime that ...

Good detail with the horse. I got a really good picture of your character, where she was riding, as well as the connection she has with the horse. But you ...

I wouldn't say it's too long. I do however, think you're saying the same thing several times in different ways. What you could do to make this better is show ...

The lumberjack thing is kind of strange. Whenever I think of lumberjacks I think of the Monty Python bit. But that's my problem. Yours is that you're jumping into this ...