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Portable_Jukebox

  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: The Anarchy chapter 3

    Hello, I thought I would pop by and give a quick critique here. As always, if you have any questions about the following critique or want someone to bounce ideas ...

    Sep 1, 2011
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: Visions (probally going to change.. any suggestions?)

    Hey, I really like the premise of the story. Yes, the whole psychic dealing with life and her visions has been done before, but I think you have some ideas ...

    May 30, 2011
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Intoxicating: Chapter One: Part One

    OK, overall this piece had a strong emotional pull. I could see what was happening, I could almost feel it. Howerer, there were a couple mistakes and areas in need ...

    May 30, 2011
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: echoes

    I liked this. It took me a couple reads, but it grew on me. "Like the houses I used to draw and crawl inside to hide," is probably my favorite ...

    May 30, 2011
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: The Problem With Statistics

    I liked this a lot. You used the repetition correctly. You made quick, simple connections that made your argument real and very current. I loved that. However, the poem didn't ...

    May 30, 2011
  • Other » General, General Re: Growing up

    Like you, I am not quite sure what this is, but to me, that didn't really matter. It was fantastic. I could feel the emotion. I could see the scenes. ...

    May 30, 2011
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Mercy (chapter 1)

    The main issue I had with this piece was that it was very difficult to read, and not in a good way. The narration made no sense. It was disjointed, ...

    May 1, 2011
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: I'm not that kind

    Hey, I loved it, and that is actually saying something. I'm really picky about my poetry, but your poem hit all the right notes. I could feel and hear the ...

    Mar 14, 2011
  • Short Story » Historical Fiction, General Re: Death of A Liberator

    Very well done and finely written. I felt like the character was telling me the story himself. There were however a few maladies with the writing. Most of those were ...

    Mar 5, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: My Prologue

    Interesting beginning, I have to say. The main problems I saw were that your sentences sound a bit choppy sometimes and a few don't make that much sense. These problems ...

    Aug 31, 2008


here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can home or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
— e.e. cummings