Numbers on a page
Each number is a heartbeat
Each heartbeat fuels a mind
Each mind makes choices
Each choice changes the world
Numbers on a page
Each number is a person
Each person has a family
Each person has a friend
Each person has a colleague
Numbers on a page
More zeros on the end
Hundreds of different faces
Hundreds of different smiles
Hundreds of different memories
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Canary word: Present
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140,716 Literary Works • 673,675 Reviews
I really liked this poem
I especially liked the way you wrote this, it was creative and effective. The repeatition was really great and powerful. It kept the poem flowing quickly and smoothly. The meaning behind this poem is very deep and sad. I think everyone can relate to this idea that even one single person and life can impact so many more.
My only suggestion is the same as what Portable_Jukebox said about the poem not sounding complete. I think you need one last powerful line or stanza to wrap it up. The poem kind of stops and leaves the reader hanging.
Overall, I think you have a really good poem and concept here!
I liked this a lot. You used the repetition correctly. You made quick, simple connections that made your argument real and very current. I loved that. However, the poem didn't sound complete. I reached the end and felt like the last point/message was missing. I think adding a simple couplet at the very end would really give it the oomph this poem has the promise of reaching.
Feel free to pm me with any questions on my review or on the poem at all, because it really was beautifully done.
I really like this, if you think about it, its extremely deep and very lovely. I love it. I really really do.