PerforatedxHearts

Ditto Sam. And the writing style is okay, but it's lacking a certain spark that draws the reader to the story. I didn't like the first sentence. It was a ...

I haven't read it yet, but shouldn't this be in the novel section? If you scroll down a bit from the main story index, there should be a place to ...

I like it, but it's a bit short. It seems fairly, I don't know, wasted- the girl cries, he comes, happy ending. I think you need to expand on it ...

At first it was a bit confusing, what with all the typos, but I think you should've worked on it a bit more to give us more to work with ...

4 stars out of 5. You did pretty well concerning composition. At first I was worried that you were doing paragraph/line/paragraph/line, and not linking them all together, but you did ...

Some sentences are run-on, and you just stuck a comma in between. Example Chase reached for the knife, he took it up in his hand, the cool leather felt reassuring ...

Ditto Saint, pretty much. And it was interesting how at the end you bolded the last sentence. It stuck out a lot, but I don't think it had the impact ...

I think it's sort of cliche. You've got a lot of grammatical errors in this, too. But if you made it a bit longer, and elaborated more, and also employed ...

Eh...This is okay. You've got some things you'll need to change, though. #1: Grammatical errors. Run this through word, or get a copy editor. #2: The beginning is extremely cliche. ...

Yeah, couple of grammatical errors. You also need to work on the emotions portrayed throughout the story. Try to make the reader cry. Here's how: First, get into the mood, ...

Interessttingg... There's only one thing that bothers me, or for now. >.~ “Rasem!” Her voice was full of raw emotion, and for a second Rasem’s face seemed sad, wan. Then ...

Do some things. Then I'll review. #1: Space all the paragraphs out. Rawr. Do you want your reader to get a headache? #2: Run this through Word. Countless grammar mistakes, ...

This is really nice, very warming, but there are some problems I have with this: 1. You start almost every paragraph with "I". Vary it. 2. It's over too fast. ...

Yeah, try to develop your characters more. Also, if you wanted the thriller/horror effect to play a big part of this, then make sure that you push the element in ...

Wow. You truly were the best at this. This was amazing. I don't think there's anything wrong with this. You will die. We will consume you. Haha. How cheerful. I ...