How to Start Over

That's okay, I need all the help I can get with this. And I am not telling the story in Missy's point of view anymore.

Thanks for commenting!

At first it was a bit confusing, what with all the typos, but I think you should've worked on it a bit more to give us more to work with concerning critiques.

Uhm, pretty much just that when you post something like this on YWS, try and make it as polished as you can, even if it's just a few paragraphs.

I can't really tell whether this story is cliche or not, but if it isn't it surely is in the danger of becoming cliche. There's really no romance about the bluntness of the way you tell the story, how direct you are. It's pretty much all tell, and no show. Soften up that ghost a bit, and maybe experiment around. Maybe Missy isn't the right person to tell the story. Honestly, if that's her real voice, then the whole novel would be over in about 20 pages or so.

I'm sorry for being so blunt. I guess if you posted a bit more I'd have more advice on how you can improve your story.

--Ree.

i really like this kind of forbidden love I like it I hope you continue it has lots of potential

This was decent, I guess. But it felt more like a opening to a play or something, when they give the backgrounds of all the characters. I didn’t like how you did this. You do WAY too much TELLING. It was kind of like: and then she did this, but first she did this, and I am going to say that…ect. Put some ACTION and ADVENTURE into it. If it is going to be a prologue, you need it to be catching, bringing the reader into your world fairly quickly. But I felt your prologue dragged. Need to put WAY more emotion into this as well.

But on the bright side, I think what you have is a GOOD start. I mean, you have all the elements of a seemingly good story, but don’t tell us all of that in the beginning. It ruins the fun of us finding out!

Hopefully this all helped and I am on to Chapter One!

This is a really good start for a story. Making allison scared and worried makes in the begining her vulnerable and relatable. I think this has great potential and besides the few gramar issues, which i'm not going to repeat because others have already done so, it will be a great story.

Thanks guys for the reviews!!!!! I'll be sure to fix the mistakes!!!!


- Ellie

Other than the few grammer errors, it was really good. When I write, I have a tendency to correct my grammer as I go along-which is probably why I never write second drafts-but you don't have to do that; I've heard a lot of other people say that it takes away the "flow" of writing. It was an interesting view point too. Like someone else said, don't reveal too much in the first couple of paragraphs or pages--let the readers have something to figure out. Don't forget to add dialogue--too much description makes a story boring (ex: Great Expectations by Charles Dickens).

Hello there!

Well, my first thoughts are that this has potential. You have a good plot going - but I do have some hold-ups (sorry).
First off, you've told us so much so blatantly in the prologue. I know the prologue is supposed to enlighten us a little, but maybe you could have gone about it in a slightly more subtle way. The only reason I mention this is because I fear you will run out of things to say, too quickly, and hence have a story that doesn't really go anywhere (AKA really, really short.)
Lastly, you have made a few spelling/grammar mistakes, as already pointed out. It was quite a short story, so I'm thinking it couldn't be so hard to proof-read it first, eh?
Anyway, good luck with your story.



Lauren

You need to post 2 reviews, as per the 2:1 review to work ratio rule.

1st to point out mistakes and re dos, than my opinion.

She sat alone in the plan hospital as she waited for her friend to return with the condition of the only man she truly loved, and now many die because of their love.

He is also a cruel and abusive man.

Allison was his punching bag until she turned 18 and moved 3000 miles away to live in New York and attend New York University.

He would also do anything to ensure that no man touched her, accept if that man is Officer Jake Thomas.

I remember in high school she wear long sleeve shirts to cover her bruises and her long glamours blond hair would drape along her face to try and over those scares.