PenguinAttack

I love the narrative itself, it’s intriguing and I would love to know some more. ^^ Which means that when you come out with another chapter you must hit me ...

“His dark eyes grinned fiendishly. “You'd rather pay in blood?”” - Okay, my only real nitpick is here... “fiendishly” – what does that even look like? xD It just seemed ...

“Isaac awoke the next day to find one of the foretopman standing over him” - “Fore-topmen” Perhaps would look a little less confusing? Also “men” when you’re using plurals. “A ...

I am so very interested in this, dear. You write very well, and I've been caught up in how the story is progressing. I have nothing to nit pick or ...

“Yes, mummy?” he replied. The small boy placed his book on his lap and looked up, wriggling his toes underneath the threadbare blanket. - I think you can take out ...

- First off. I dislike your prologue. I like some of the idea’s you present; “Would the world die with me? Or would I die with the world?” But it ...

“I never really knew why on your graduation, you threw your hat in the air.” - I’d add a comma after “why”. “ your breakage from the supposed prison that ...

“I said with a smirk.” - I would have used “asked” instead of said. “Seriously though Jordan, this isn’t a good plan.” - Place a comma before “Jordan” “Then I ...

Hullo Boy. I dislike your first stanza as an opening. I’m not sure in what genre you’re placing this, even as a musical, but I can’t see these singular words ...

Inkling; just a quick reminder, try not to double post, that’s what the “edit” function is for. Hullo Matt. ^^ Okay. I could make a tentative guess at the hidden ...

Firstly; I love you. ^^ Now, your title is fantastic. It works with the poem and I think it makes sense, only change it if you feel you really must. ...

Ah, so interesting, Twitter. You’ve got me hooked so easily. How traumatic. ^^ I separated this into two parts. The first consisting of your first three chapters, and the second ...

"My Heart ran so to thee." -Emily Dickinson Effective use of quote, of course. ^^ I like this... and I don’t... in a way. I think it’s pretty and touching ...

Bible Boys for the win. Always my favourite. ^^ (yus, favourite means both are my favourite, together. ^^ Luke *may* pull ahead soon, though. ^^ I adore his humour) Alex ...

Hi Mizz-Iceberg! Okay. You've a good base for a poem here, it's obviously got a point and meaning - important things in poetry. I think you'll find your problem - ...