Omni

Note: This review has been deleted
Okay, so the last chapter part had a lot of pieces in play and that maybe? they were coming together? Let's see :D Oh gosh, that goodbye was crushing to ...

yussss

I am eternally squinty but yes I'll read and review ASAP :P

I actually didn't! This week has been rough, lol but I'll get to it hopefully tomorrow. XD this review was acting like 11.2 was the last one whoops Regaring the ...

That could be cool, but also it may be that she just... like found the will to live again? And it was looking for Matt/James/Tiberius?

I totally get that! But you kinda end up in a kind of limbo where this draft, as it is right now, doesn't make sense because you're writing it with ...

So there's a balance when it comes to chaotic action scenes. It's like shaky cam action scenes in movies, y'know? Like, some of it can induce "oh gosh action very ...

YES MOAR ACTION MOOOOAR xD I actually point things out action wise in my later reviews :D

LMS does that to you mannn xD and i get a lot of these problems are mostly because of LMS, like the switching of perspectives and some of the weird ...

xD see now her rushing in half cocked makes sense because of the whole not caring about her own life! So, that complaint is fine at this point XD but ...

OH YEAH now that i think about it, Matt did say Clanny was secretly wanting to die so maybe that was why she was being so inept? i think i ...

Yeah, and you can explain it away in this draft as Clanny being like "ok you, you gotta stop messing around." or something like that XDD

When rambly Clandestine works, it works! But when it doesn't, wellllllll it can get grating. Just because, when rambling doesn't lead somewhere, like, pushing the plot forward, then it's a ...

The easiest way to fix Clanny's ineptitude is making her a completely different person around monsters. Serious (as serious as she can be), focused, badass, and knows what she's doing. ...

Yay! Yeah, I think Andrea would be better here if she garnered confidence in the end! And that's cool! I was definitely getting those vibes, so I hope you follow ...