Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Script » Dramatic

E - Everyone

Mind Games (Part 4)

by RavenBlack


The awkward silence brings ANDREA back to reality. All eyes are still on her. Waiting. Watching.



Hello, I'm Andrea Summers. I'll be leading this project-


I can't hear you!

ANDREA becomes nervous.


(a little louder)

I said, I'm Andrea Summers-


This is who Ms Williams picked to head her new project? What was she thinking?

The room bursts into chatter.




Whoever Ms Williams chose to head this new project, she did with good reason.

GREGORY watches MARIA with suspicious eyes as she defends ANDREA.


Maybe she's testing us. Maybe this is just a game to her.

(looks at ANDREA)

Or maybe, just maybe, she actually believes that this woman could bring this company closer to a level of grandeur that none of us could ever accomplish.

ANDREA looks at MARIA surprised.


If so, then no matter our opinions - we must obey.


So - what do you want us to do, Andrea?

A sudden spark fills ANDREA's eyes.


(whispers to herself)

What if she believes in me? In me?

ANDREA looks around the room. Her colleagues waiting like soldiers for their commands. A wide grin curls onto her lips.


MONTAGE as ANDREA directs her colleagues alongside MARIA who helps oversee the production of various sketches and designs of ANDREA's car. They feedback to GREGORY who critics their designs till their fit to show LAURAINE. END OF MONTAGE.


GREGORY leads ANDREA and MARIA through the white hallway to LAURAINE's OFFICE. ANDREA admires her golden framed photos that hang on the wall all of which show her various accomplishments. But MARIA looks at them with a relatable sadness.

GREGORY knocks on the door.



With her permission, GREGORY opens the doors and ushers ANDREA and MARIA in. They marvel over her ethereal interior. The huge windows revealing the sun slowly disappearing behind the cityscape. It's fading light creating a halo behind LAURAINE. She looks like a goddess.

ANDREA holds the folder full of sketches against her chest. A bright smile on her lips. LAURAINE seems surprised by this.She beckons ANDREA forward. ANDREA approaches her desk cautiously.


(placing folder on her desk)

We changed the designs from my original sketches as Gregory and Maria felt that they were too futuristic and far-fetched.


So we came up with a chic model with elements of futurism.

LAURAINE looked through the sketches, flicking through the pages quickly, barely given them a second glance.


I didn't ask for Gregory and Maria's designs.

(closing the folder)

I asked for yours.

ANDREA is disheartened at LAURAINE's comments.


Isn't this your project?




Is this not your idea?




Then why have you brought me somebody else's work?

MARIA smirks as ANDREA bows her head in embarrassment.


Would you rather I give this project to Maria?




Then give me what I asked for.

With the wave of a hand, LAURAINE dismisses them. ANDREA wastes no time in leaving, she heads to the elevator, Maria and Gregory close behind.

When they're all inside the elevator, she presses the button for the ground floor.


Going home so soon?

MARIA presses the button for the fifth floor and ANDREA sulks in the corner as the elevator descends.

When the elevator arrives at the fifth floor, ANDREA seems hesitant on if she should stay or go with them.


Let me help you.


You're the Project Leader, aren't you?


Why have you brought me somebody else's work?


Give me what I asked for.

But as the doors close, she stays in the corner.

ANDREA becomes frantic as the elevator descends.


Andrea, what are you doing?

Her eyes watching the number of levels decrease. Sweat plastering her brow.


Go back!

The elevator reaches the ground floor and as the doors open, many of her co-workers flood in. She walks out.

Standing in the reception area, she's aimless. Unsure of what to do, or where to go. She watches the elevator doors close behind her. No way back now.

Reluctant, she heads to the exit. But her reflection on the revolving doors makes her stop. She becomes fixated by it.



ANDREA finishes presenting her idea. The silence makes her nervous as she waits for LAURAINE's response.


(standing up to leave)


GREGORY stands at the mention of his name.


Yes, ma'am?


Help Andrea with anything she needs to make this a reality.

A bright smile appears on ANDREA's lips as she watches LAURAINE leave. LAURAINE give her no attention until the last moment - a brief glance but it's enough to make ANDREA gasp in shock.



ANDREA laughs to herself.


She noticed me.

At the realisation, ANDREA runs back inside and heads to the stairwell. ANDREA climbs the five flight of stairs till she gets to the fifth floor.

Taking a breather, ANDREA waits by the wall corresponding her department to compose herself. She can hear chatter and laughter in the office.


How bad was it?


Bad enough to make run back to that cheap flat of hers.


Nonetheless, she's shown Ms Williams how much of a mistake she's made in making her the Project Leader. Sooner or later, she'll rectify her decision.

ANDREA storms into the office.


Ms Williams didn't make a mistake. She chose me, knowing that I would deliver.



You've done a good job at that so far.


Yes, I've made mistakes and I've disappointed both Ms Williams and myself but I refuse to let that happen again.


I know we're from different worlds. I'm not from a corporate background, I didn't graduate from elite universities like you all did. But I was given an opportunity and I seized it!

MARIA eyes soften as she watches ANDREA.


All I ask is that you give me a chance. Let me prove that I deserve to be here because I've worked hard, if not harder to get this position.

The following silence causes ANDREA to retract to her anxious behaviour. Her colleagues exchanges glances around the room, as if to ask who would be the one to answer her call of arms.


It's no secret that I wanted to be Project Leader.


Hell I even showed you my idea and you still had the decency to steal it from me.

MARIA approaches her.


But for today, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. But tomorrow - I'm coming to take what's mine.

MARIA extends her hand to ANDREA - a truce. At first ANDREA is hesitant to take it but in the end she shakes her hand.


The floor is yours.

ANDREA takes a deep breath, bringing herself to a state of tranquillity before greeting her colleagues with a smile.


MONTAGE as ANDREA directs the team and explains her vision of the car model. MARIA leads the team with ANDREA's vision in mind to produce sketches and designs which she shows to ANDREA who critics and gives feedback for her to change until she's happy with the designs. GREGORY helps ANDREA to plan the production schedule.


With the new sketches and designs in place, ANDREA heads to the sixth floor. She approaches the door with confidence and pride.

ANDREA knocks on the door.



Despite it LAURAINE's office being shrouded in darkness, the moonlight covers her in a celestial glow. She's holding a glass of wine in her hand, her back to the door, looking out into the city.

ANDREA approaches her desk with circumspect. LAURAINE turns to face her. She cocks her head to the side as if she's expecting others to have accompanied her. But it's just her.

ANDREA places the folder on LAURAINE's desk.


The sketches you asked for.

LAURAINE puts her glass of wine to the side and looks through the folder, each page gripping her attention. When she closes the folder, ANDREA waits with bated breath for her opinion.



ANDREA can't help but smile at LAURAINE's comment just before she's dismissed. Skipping through the hallway once she shuts the doors behind her.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
321 Reviews

Points: 17840
Reviews: 321

Thu Jan 03, 2019 10:34 pm
Vincian wrote a review...

Hi there Raven! I haven’t read the earlier parts yet, but I like reading scripts so I decided to try my hand at reviewing one.

So, obviously I don’t know what happened before this, but boy are these people being rude right off the bat, for like no reason that I can tell!

Is this a screenplay that you’re writing for or a regular play? Because each have different nuances that comes with them. For example, people usually don’t whisper to themselves in theatrical productions because no one will hear what they say. And if no one is meant to hear it, then it shouldn’t be on stage. Usually, they either say it as an aside (aka to the audience) or in a lower or “hushed” tone that still allows them to project the line enough for the audience to hear. You don’t have this problem in a screenplay, because they have a boom mic that captures every little sound that you need (and a lot that you don’t).

So, obviously time is distorted when reading a script because it focuses on dialogue and time can be flexible. However, Andrea flip-flops her attitude here so many times it’s confusing. I really don’t see the time being enough for her to get emboldened, then anxious, then emboldened again in such a short amount of time. It weakens her second time, when she confronts the office and says that she is going to take this opportunity. I believe you were trying to go for this a bit, but in the beginning, what if Maria comes to the rescue more as an ally (a fake one obviously) than empowering Andrea to take over herself. Instead, you could have Maria showing Andrea the ropes while still pulling the strings.

I like Lauraine, even though she’s a pretty cliché boss (have you ever watched The Devil Wears Prada? It reminds me of that.) I bring up that movie, though, because what makes that movie so good is it gives the boss character development in the latter parts of the movie and shows that she is actually a very troubled woman dealing with her own problems, and being cold and distrustful has served as a shield both professionally and personally, and she was in a cut-throat environment that not a lot of woman before her succeeded in. I hope to see the same kind of development with Lauraine here!

As far as scripts go, this is pretty good, if not a bit cliché in how it works. I’m excited, though, to read the other parts and probably review them ^^ Hope this helped!

RavenBlack says...

Thank you so much for the review! I was so conflicted with the parts with Andrea after writing this, I too felt that it was very back and forth but no one pointed it out so I didn't think it was a problem. I need to edit that.

Lauraine is actually inspired by the boss is Devil Wears Prada, I'm glad you noticed xD

Vincian says...

Yay! Yeah, I think Andrea would be better here if she garnered confidence in the end!

And that's cool! I was definitely getting those vibes, so I hope you follow the route of fleshing her out more as well ^^

User avatar
13 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 13

Wed Jan 02, 2019 3:11 pm
View Likes
sylrie wrote a review...

What a wonderful piece of reading to come back from break and read! While last time we got to learn more about Andrea and Maria, this time we learn more about the mystery that is Lauraine. While we do get to see a comeback from Andrea, I can't help but be fixated by Lauraine; she doesn't speak often, yet at all points she seems in total control, especially when she's described as a goddess. I'm curious as to how she reached such power and prestige, to the point where the word "Better" is considered good news and not a cold compliment implying that she was intensely disappointed last time.

Another thing I'm curious about is Andi. In part 3 Andrea, at the end, gives up and seems to let Andi help her. And yet, in this part, Andi doesn't show up except in a flashback. I'm wondering where she went, if she'll be coming back, if Andrea truly accepted Andi's help (and if her come back was thanks to Andi) or if she did all of this independent of Andi's influence. So many questions, and it's all beautifully written so that the answers are held just out of reach, like a carrot on a stick that I shall continue chasing!

Faithfully awaiting part 5!

RavenBlack says...

Thank you for the feedback! I'm so glad you like Lauraine, apart of Andi she's my favourite character to write. Can't wait for to see where the story leads!

User avatar
98 Reviews

Points: 4255
Reviews: 98

Tue Jan 01, 2019 7:30 pm
trashykawa wrote a review...

Hi Raven!

So lets start by saying that I really liked the New Andrea. Confident, outspoken, seizing the spotlight. Yup, it was definitely a change for the better; I like her much better.

Your introductory part drew me in straight away. First, it was really relatable. Not that i have a job, though (i'm only seventeen); but I bet that we've all at some point been inside a room full of people, all eyes on us, heart beating loud in your ears, and the constant commentary of people louder and more outspoken than you. It is terrifying, and I felt terrified for Andrea; i could sympathize with her, and that right there is the tell of a good writer.

the part where andrea enters with Maria into ol' laurie's office also gives a vivid visual, i loved the part where you wrote,

"The huge windows revealing the sun slowly disappearing behind the cityscape. It's fading light creating a halo behind LAURAINE. She looks like a goddess." Yeah, i love this.

I missed Andi though. I'd have loved somme more of her. though i understand that as our protagonist pulls herself together, Andi HAS to leave, but I'll miss her ayway. The chess game scenes are to live for.

So there are a couple of mistakes that I'd like to point out (minor, really):

"critics their designs till their fit to show LAURAINE." their= they're
"When the elevator arrives at the fifth floor, ANDREA seems hesitant on if she should stay or go with them." so wouldn't the last bit sound better if you had written: "andrea seems hesitant about whether she should stay or go with them?"

There area couple more errors, i'm sure if you go through it once more (you know, recite it in your head like a reader would), you'd probably know what needs redressing.

Punctuation could be a better, it plays a big role in rhythm and deciding the tone of your lines.

Other than that, your grammar's good, spellings are mostly correct, diction appropriate.

Another great part to the series; i'm waiting for the next.

p.s i'm not saying anything about maria yet, i wanna see where you go with her.


<insert greeting of choice>

RavenBlack says...

Thanks again for the feedback, I always look forward to hearing your thoughts. I need to work on proofreading my work, I hate it but I know it's necessary to avoid grammar and spelling mistakes. Also, I'm glad you liked the description of Lauraine's office and the development in Andrea's character.

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.
— Aristotle