Ofour

You use a full-stop in the first line then use none for the rest of the poem. I would choose one way or another. I enjoyed this very much, you ...

"The cold on m tongue" - "my". "sending the ice skidding across the table, leaving a wet trail in its wake" - no comma needed. "Moms hair" - "mom's". "Her ...

"The wind blew leaves prematurely from the trees" - that sounds like a line from a poem. "It’s the end…” - no ellipsis needed, she is not interrupted, a full-stop ...

"auidiences of quills" - "audiences". "fingers as dusts" - I think the plural of dust is "dust". "that have setted" - "that have set". The way you leave a lot ...

"otherworldly rhythm as the playrs " - "players". "and faced eachother squarely." - "each other". "the young mn a cruel grimace " - "man". "only seven yers old" - "years". ...

"Lights shone and room reverberated with noise." - I think you mean "the room". "as he begun" - "began". "in tonight show Alezander" - "tonight's", and I'm not sure if ...

The only thing I don't like about this is "signals and signs". I know that the redundancy adds to the effect but I feel that this is beyond redundancy, they ...

In terms of the technicalities of a sonnet this is perfect, although you exclude the iambic pentameter (which is optional anyway). I enjoyed this very much. The rhyming was not ...

"she stared at Rowan with a mixture of puzzlement of interest." - that sounds strange, I'd put "and" instead of the second "of". "You of all people believe that!" - ...

"and the golden retriever" - "the"? I'd put "their". "The amount of killings was rising; and these humans were killed like all the rest." - there is no point putting ...

Chapter 1: "Whilst searching through many ancient manuscripts, Drake found an ancient map that showed the way to the magic world where Tera’s Gods reside. The main God was named ...

"Flaming arrows leapt out of the trees, towards the attacking hordes." - I'd miss out the comma. "as he saw the kingdoms enemy’s fall to the ground." - "enemies" not ...

"He wrapped his cloak a little tighter around his body, in an attempt to stay warm." - No comma needed. "made it feel more like a fortress. Or a prison." ...

*Cracks knuckles* "Chugalug was in a far corner sipping his blood beer and smokin some poor dried animal ," - "smoking" not "smokin", no space before commas. "Not human either ...

"Trinity looked across her desk at Michael Rockne as if he had three heads." - Slightly abstract, very inventive but does not look particularly good to me. "jumped a centimetre ...