Published March 13, 2007
It was the night of stormy seas where our treachery begun.
Seven men afloat with nothing left
No matter how hard we struggled, no matter how hard we tried
Mother Nature could not withdraw her callings
And soon we left at three
Suddenly in the midst of mayhem
I spotted a vision like no other
A girl dressed in angelic white
Gestured towards me
She extended her thin arms and held out my palm
Blowing into it a warm breeze
Then she looked into my eyes
And smiled once more
Then she kissed me as light as a feather
And suddenly I found myself washed ashore
With the other men dead
As my life was saved once more
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141,481 Literary Works • 674,512 Reviews
You use a full-stop in the first line then use none for the rest of the poem. I would choose one way or another.
I enjoyed this very much, you write very nicely, with a fluent style, your piece is original. I would think better of it if you introduced a rhyme scheme, there are already elements of one but there is no definite structure. Very good.
This was very nice. I like how you separated your lines. It made this look very clean and as far as I saw there were no errors. Great job on imagery, I could really feel your words and I notice that you often tell a story in your poems. Nice style.
Keep at it!
~Rieda