Nephthys

Hi, I'm Nephthys and I will looking at your script today. I know, it's just text, nothing else. I'm going to fix it later. Maybe, but that's what I've got ...

A screenplay, lovely :) I think this should go in the Scripts forum though. Also, this is WAY too much to review in one sitting, so I'm going to review ...

Yay! Screenplays! First of all, thanks for using the screenplay format. It makes it so much easier to read/understand. A bright room that looks like a stereotypical interrogation room with ...

Hi, I'm Nephthys, and I will be your reviewer today. The lights are dim and flickering due to a recent power outage . You don't need that bit. NATHAN: Lighten ...

Hello, I'm Nephthys. I will be your reviewer for today. :) and has an abusive boyfriend. I would suggest cutting this bit. The reader will figure it out on their ...

Hi, I'm Nephthys, and I will be reviewing your lovely monologue today. STELLA: The funny thing about school is, you meet some of the most interesting people . N n ...

Yay! More TV scripts! Wow. That is a LOT to read in one post. I would suggest breaking it up into parts so that it is easier to read. This ...

Second step: stop, pull over, sit down, move anywhere that allows you a spare minute to inspect yourself. I'd cut out the whole end of the sentence; it seems awkward ...

I learnt learned long ago O(h) yes I had seen all the wonders anyone can in life The "oh yes" doesn't really work here. without much any aspirations. Not a ...

I was running after her on a dark street of God knows where I'm not really sure what you're trying to say with the last part. I would cut "of ...

it was the latest fashion in the 1800's I'd cut out the "in the 1800s". Your reader will get that from the rest of the story. Right off the start, ...

I turned back and waved as the jeep drove off into the distance, before looking at my brother who had his eyes set on the complex in the distance. This ...

I like that you're telling us things about the main character, but instead of focusing on the history of her life in the first chapter, maybe try telling us one ...

Sorry it took so long to get this review done, the reading took a while. Oh my goodness I like this story! :) Historical fiction about war is not usually ...

I hurried into the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Phew, I was the same old me again. My long reddish hair was a mess, and I ...