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Re: ALEANA
To be honest I critiqued this before and I had no idea who this character was and I would have suggested changes but the author didn't reply to any critiques ...
Oct 11, 2006 -
Re: Knock, K-nock?
Is this a prologue? I usually don't like prolgues but this was interesting with all the 'We' and I got the feeling this was many people speaking one after the ...
Oct 11, 2006 -
Re: Freedom and a Dragon
Hi. Welcome to the site. Have you read the rules yet? You are to critique at least two other literary pieces before posting your own work. * Green = Comment/Correction ...
Oct 3, 2006 -
Re: Aleana
Is this meant to be a chapter or a prologue? I have no idea who this 'she' is and why she is running. There is no introduction and I didn't ...
Sep 30, 2006 -
Re: Earth's Daughter
I would say this prologue was telling much about the story but the world it is set in. It seems like this is a 'summary' for the basic introduction to ...
Sep 29, 2006 -
Re: The Stones of Tareth
While Wiggy gets her own critique done I'll post mine. * Green = Comment/Correction Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * “Move boy!” The lion of a man screamed at ...
Sep 27, 2006 -
Re: Red Skies
Green = Comment/Correction Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * I crouched low to the ground, my back brushing against the wall. I forced myself to breathe, stay calm, and ...
Sep 27, 2006 -
Re: Particulars Of Existence
Hi, As you've critiqued my work I'm returning the favour with, what i hope, is a helpful critique. Green = Comment/Correct Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * Seagulls are ...
Sep 26, 2006 -
Re: down the railroad tracks C2
Green = Comment/Correction Black = Review * Outside, a cool breeze entered her window and she tried to settle into a state of drowsiness but her mind resisted, a lifetime ...
Sep 26, 2006 -
Re: down the railroad tracks C1
Green = Comment/Corrections Black = Review * ‘We don’t like to admit it, but we are trapped by it,’ he thought. Try keeping thought in italics. He remembered how his ...
Sep 26, 2006 -
Re: Toujours Nuit~1400 words
Green = Comment/Correction Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * “I have failed you. My selfishness consumed me and now this! Why couldn’t I have stayed forever with you?” he ...
Sep 25, 2006 -
Re: Untitled -- Suggestions welcome
Green = Comment/Correction Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * Not like I'd take answers from him anyways. Take out the ‘s’, it should be ‘anyway’. There was no hiding ...
Sep 25, 2006 -
Re: The Blessed CH 1
It was said that the city was self-sustaining and relied on no one province. No one province? I didn’t understand that bit. Creepy ending. It was a little difficult to ...
Sep 25, 2006 -
Re: an excerpt
Green = Comment/Correction Black = Review * “Where had she learned that?” learned should be learnt. “With all that explained, that only leaves one question: why haven’t the Ultaraes paid ...
Sep 25, 2006 -
Re: Draught of Power - Advance!
Green = Comment/Correction Black = Review * “Yes father,“ she bowed in the presence of the others. That end speech mark is wrong. She encased herself with magic and created ...
Sep 25, 2006
