Draught of Power - Advance!

Chapter 3 – Advance!

Neya’s father, Atroyn was dressed appropriately as always. He wore nothing elaborate for the capturing – just a plain black cloak. Several others over dressed. Neya did the opposite; she wore a brown, modest cloak. Her aim was simple: to appeal to the people, to gain their trust. She had little doubt when they explained the situation the people would join them and then Phoryell would be free to be captured. Of course if the people remained loyal then they would be bound and placed into the control towers.

“Ready Neya?” Atroyn said, smiling. Her father’s voice was slightly icy on such a mild day. She detected something different in the master’s voice, again she ignored it. Her focus was on the capture and nothing else.

“Yes father,“ she bowed in the presence of the others. Atroyn was the most powerful, politically and magically in the Union, apart from Phoryell of course. The others always watched Neya to ensure she was giving him the respect he ‘deserved’.

When the others had arrived Neya sensed it was time to go. With the command from Master Atroyn, Neya willed herself from the ground into the air. She encased herself with magic and created a vacuum in between herself and the ground to keep her there. Flying required concentration and much power to the ignorant. The vacuum trick used little of the aura. Her father had taught her that magic was in auras, some places had a greater aura than others. An aura was usually powerful enough for all mages to share and draw from. So, naturally, Neya and the other Ravintrov mages cared little about exhausting these ever replenishing auras.

Her eyes darted around and she saw others suspended in the air. A older woman came up to her, she smiled at her cousin, Urselle.

”A cold night Neya,” Urselle shivered, Neya spotted she had several layers of clothes on. Urselle was very reacting to the climate, many of the researchers said it was the change in aura concentration. She knew better, her cousin was simply a heat freak. She loved bathing in the warn Ravintrov sun. Neya sighed as she too filled with longing.

“I see you miss the Ravintrov sun,” She said sympathetically. Urselle nodded.

“And the waters, and the palaces and my servants…”

“As do I cousin,” She said to Urselle. “But we both know that this Union needs rectifying, Phoryell was a despot. For the sake of the people here we must remain strong.” A gust of wind quietened her but her voice remained tough.

She followed Urselles gaze to her father. Atroyn rose his hand. The mages shot forward in the icy breeze. She didn’t start as quickly as she took time to move her vacuum below. She glanced behind and noticed Urselle was already weary. Did she not know of the vacuum trick? She suppressed a smile of satisfaction as she began to explain.

“Here, why not create a vacuum underneath you, then you will balance on the sides of it?” It took Urselle only a few tries to be keeping up with Neya. They both followed the mages.

Looking down, she noticed the black circles of the control towers amidst nothing else. She smiled as she thought of the people who had been saved were safe inside and not scraping to survive everyday.

“Neya, where do you think Ory’s power comes from?” Urselle blurted out. She smiled. Ory. That was their pet name for Phoryell.

“I don’t know, he certainly isn’t an eastern mage like us.” She paused and recollected her thoughts, “some say he comes from far, far south. Some say he comes from beyond the mainland.” Urselle stared in awe.

“So he’s a sorcerer?”

“Yes Urselle, that’s what I believe. If he isn’t an Eastern mage then he has to be one of them.” She reasoned.

“But surely that means….” Neya looked at her cousin’s expression. “…his power is greater that 30 mages.” This wasn’t a question.

Atroyn halted. The others began to stop including Neya and Urselle. Her head filled with a pulse of magic, he took that pulse and quickly interpreted it as a message.

Mages of Ravintrov, tonight we attack Phoryell and his band, you know what to do! Her father spoke. She saw the other mages doing the same. Yes. She knew what to do. After negotiations they would come willingly, if not then she would bind and transport them away.

First – The Control Tower.

The mages landed on a mossy knoll. She could barely see her father though the blackness if it weren’t for his glittering eyes. Urselle stood close; she imagined that her cousin had contributed to building a tower before. Urselle didn’t come for the fights and building side, she came for the experience. Urselle had the annoying habit of doing whatever she did. Neya despised this as Urselle usually just got in the way.

She merged into a large circle and clasped hands with two older men. As they closed their eyes, she did too. She felt the aura around her and collected its power then concentrated it onto the ground. She felt others doing the same until a mass of power had formed. The power was twisted then forced upwards. She opened her eyes as dirt was turned into black stone. It towered high in the sky and just as it stopped growing, the end turned into a point and a door was made at the side. The circle was broken.

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Myth
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Myth wrote a review · Mon Sep 25, 2006 11:00 am

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*

“Yes father,“ she bowed in the presence of the others.


That end speech mark is wrong.

She encased herself with magic and created a vacuum in between herself and the ground to keep her there. Flying required concentration and much power to the ignorant. The vacuum trick used little of the aura. Her father had taught her that magic was in auras, some places had a greater aura than others. An aura was usually powerful enough for all mages to share and draw from. So, naturally, Neya and the other Ravintrov mages cared little about exhausting these ever replenishing auras.


Nice explanation on how the magic works.

A older woman came up to her, she smiled at her cousin, Urselle.


A should be replaced by An (remember there is a vowel after it).

“I see you miss the Ravintrov sun,” She said sympathetically.


She shouldn’t be capitalised.

Atroyn rose his hand.


raised replaces rose.

“But surely that means….” Neya looked at her cousin’s expression. “…his power is greater that 30 mages.” This wasn’t a question.


Keep numbers written out instead of using numerals.

Mages of Ravintrov, tonight we attack Phoryell and his band, you know what to do! Her father spoke. She saw the other mages doing the same. Yes. She knew what to do. After negotiations they would come willingly, if not then she would bind and transport them away.


The parts after her father has spoken shouldn’t be in italics and start a new paragraph for it.

She merged into a large circle and clasped hands with two older men. As they closed their eyes, she did too. She felt the aura around her and collected its power then concentrated it onto the ground. She felt others doing the same until a mass of power had formed. The power was twisted then forced upwards. She opened her eyes as dirt was turned into black stone. It towered high in the sky and just as it stopped growing, the end turned into a point and a door was made at the side. The circle was broken.


Another great use of their power.

I thought this chapter would be about them attacking but they’re building the black towers.

There are a few typos pointed out.

What I did not understand was how they got to the ‘mossy knoll’. Is it in a different location or in the same place where they were suspended in air?



As ideas are always better than their execution, so too must dough taste better than cookies.
— Horisun