MooCowPoop

Hello!! I have a couple technical suggestions that I think could really help you with this story. I'd rather you show than tell. That might seem hard to do at ...

Ooohh, it's getting juicy now! The suspense levels are high in this one. Each line kept me one my toes. And I especially love how you duplicate a very real ...

This is freaking awesome! I love a lot of the things you did with this piece, like the setting, sensory details, pacing, but most of all: the tense! Placing these ...

Hm, I have to disagee with you on a few of these, but I don't feel like getting into that right now. I also think that There's so much more ...

Hi there! I shall do a different kind of review today. I will take up your offer to insert punctuation into the poem. There is too much to do, to ...

Wow, what a strong piece of writing! I really like the tone of this piece: straightforward and thoughtful. Not too many people can do that at once. Bravo! It's also ...

Thanks for telling us. Just know that the people here only critique you to help you. It's better to have someone tell the truth than to feed you with lies. ...

Okay, so there is a lot that needs to be tweaked in this. Most of the other reviewers have stated the tweaks, though, but I'll add my $0.02 anyway. remember ...

Aw, what a cute story. The last sentence really tugged at my heart. The guy's been longing to get away or he is wondering how those girls will ever get ...

And if Bibi had found something, that means she had been playing there, and I assumed she wasn't being supervised. "Means" should be "meant" (past tense). But there was always ...

And if Bibi had found something, that means she had been playing there, and I assumed she wasn't being supervised. "Means" should be "meant" (past tense). But there was always ...

Hello LanguidLiger! First thing's first: reformat it so reads like a poem instead of a story. That would be so much more pleasing to our eyes. You can do this ...

Hello ShadowVyper! This is an interesting piece. Like I always say, I am a sucker for science fiction, so I was instantly in love with this piece. You've painted an ...

First: this is a nicely written poem. Each line flows well and sticks together well. And I think it's so cool that you have us readers doing a guessing game! ...

This is like, a totally cool essay, yo! I completely agree on your points. But that First: please break this into coherent paragraphs! which is unfortunate, but at this rate ...