Hey, fort! It's the notorious captain from Team Plasma in this fantabulous Pokemon-themed Review Day. Be very, very scared. *flips hair*
Anyways, I thought I'd give your short story a review. The grammar is near perfect with a few minor nitpicks, and I found the story-line interesting, so I won't touch on that too much. However, I'm going to be hammering (blow-up hammer, so it's okay) you with a couple reality checks and—dun dun dunnn—details, especially sensory/emotional ones.
Details are incredibly important, especially in a short story. It's important to create a link to the reader that will bring them in the story, and details are the key to doing it. I'd like to classify two types of details: sensory and emotional. Sensory details, like the word suggests, uses the five senses: sight, smell, touch, sound, and taste. Emotional details deal with how the character is feeling at a certain action. It's very important to elaborate, and often times sensory and emotional details are tied into one.
I've noticed that the story is very heavily relying on action rather than character development and details.
For example, the beginning is the most important part of the story since it contains the hook, and the readers get to decide whether they want to continue reading or not. The hook is alright since they can last up to a chapter (and I am hooked!), but so far it's like pretty action-heavy. Take the beginning, for instance. Marina does pre-calc, Bibi bothers her about a place, Marina asks her where it is with irritation, Bibi tugs her along anyway, mom indirectly says goodbye by teasing, and suddenly they're on their way over there. Hold yer horses; it seems somewhat rushed, and if the reader is rushed, they're not able to imagine themselves in the story.
Don't worry, it's a common thing to do in prose writing. This can easily be fixed with more thoughts, emotions, and senses. So, in other words, deets need to be beefed!
With that out of the way, I'm going to go chronologically down my list-to-do's.
Marina
I approve of this name because it rhymes with a certain awesome one.

precalc
Minor nitpick. There should be a hyphen there, because I quickly read it as prec-alc, which took me away from the story.
“The one with the sign on the door? Bibi, that’s a mile away!”
Here's a perfect example to bring in emotional details. Sarcasm and irritation could be enforced some more. For example: "The one with the sign on the door?" I gave her a long look as annoyance started to seep into my tone. "Bibi, that's a mile away!"
“Put on your shoes. Let’s go!”
This is Bibi's response, and excitement and carelessness details could be more enforced here. For example: Bibi bounced off the walls, oblivious to the sarcastic tone of my voice. "Put on your shoes," she said giddily. "We're going to go!"
The day was brisk, but in a pleasant way. After the long summer, it was nice to have a bit of a chill in the air to remind my skin what it was like to not be drenched in sweat as soon as I stepped outside ...
This is a good paragraph with sensory details and description.
The world was alive with the colors of death.
I especially like this sentence.
I was about to scold Bibi for playing in unsafe places when she shouted, “There it is!” and sprinted off toward the building.
Reality check: I think Marina would have tried to stop her sister from sprinting towards the unsafe building. If she slipped away from her grip and Marina failed to stop her, feel free to say so.
It looked as if it had grown from the center of the earth itself. The side seemed to be the national gallery of spray paint; perhaps everyone wanted to believe that leaving their mark on such a permanent structure would cement their place in history.
Loved this!
Scotch-tapped
Nitpick: should be scotch-taped. Just a little something that could take the reader out of the moment.
I sighed, and complied.
This is a perfect opportunity to describe senses of Marina's surroundings. There may not be any sight, but the loss of one sense makes the others stronger. Take, for example, the sweat on Bibi's hands, the smell of dust and incense mixed together, the sound of creaky floors, her own nervous heartbeat echoing in her ears, the taste or something stale and old in the air.
What I was not expecting was a beautiful ocean, palm trees, and waves lapping against the white sand.
Oh wow. Indeed expecting!
The way the waves roared sounded like someone had amplified the sound of my blood rushing as I got used to this unexpected—though not unpleasant—surprise.
I liked this a lot, but I think it could use more umph. There is so much potential in sensory details when dealing with the ocean, such as the taste of salt, the sound of gulls overhead, the ocean breeze pulling at her open skin with a cry that shrilled, "Swim, swim."
“Hm. That’s funny. Yesterday it was a field full of flowers,” Bibi said, squinting at the ocean.
You're probably getting tired of me talking about sensory details. Well, let's use more emotional details now. She'd probably wrinkle her nose with a mixed look of confusion and content from the sight.
A little crab was scuttling away from us. It looked real. I took a deep lungful of ocean. It smelled real. Everything was exactly like we had just stepped onto a perfect beach somewhere.
Perf.
“This is… odd,” I said, hesitantly.
This doesn't necessarily have any problems, but let's use more variety, like: I tilted my head and narrowed my eyes, trying to think of a logical way to explain the scenario we had stepped into. Nothing came to mind. "This is..." Extraordinary? Wonderful? Scary? Surreal? "...Odd," I finished.
“Isn’t it great?” Bibi [said].
She was initially confused. Perhaps use a transition from the confusion to excitement.
Mother always told me to shut doors to the outside so you didn’t get flies in the house.
Ahhh, the dreaded "you"! Always avoid going to second person or saying "you." This sentence can be rewritten as: Mother always told me to shut doors to the outside so flies didn't get in the house.
... I shut the door. When it was completely shut, it started fading. Then it completely disappeared.
Reality check. I think Marina should freak out some more, because personally I would go bonkers and bang on the door as it disappears. I'd try to pry it open or do something rather than just watch, and Marina should too. Just a suggestion.
“Well why didn’t you say so? Come in. I don’t often get visitors.”
Nitpick, but there should be a comma after "well." Also, reality check: his "I don't often get visitors" somewhat contradicts his earlier screams of "I don't want your product/politician rants!" since that makes it sound like a lot of visitors come over to bother him.
“Sit down and I’ll make you a little dinner.”
Reality check: before someone casually says they'll get dinner for someone as if they're already family, he'd probably ask Marina and Bibi where they came from and what brings them here. He's a little too inviting, in my opinion. In facts, it's a bit borderline creepy like those old men who offer candy to little kids. Red alert, red alert!
"Well that’s certainly strange."
Reality check. Marina says they stepped through a door, and poof, appeared in an ocean as the door began to disappear. I think it would be more fitting if he was skeptical and thought they were joking around or just plain crazy.
I was beginning to suspect this guy was completely nutto.
Haha. This is pretty dang ironic, considering her whole day has been pretty nutto.
The fish started smoking.
This should probably get reworded because I just imagined a fish literally smoking a cigarette lol
[/quote]“That’s not sun up there that’s the center of the Earth. A gigantic ball of light.”
The first sentence is a run-on. Break it into two sentences.
Welp, that's all! I'll probably come back soon to finish part two.
Keep writing, fort!

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