Meep

The opening is interesting, with the two characters talking. I thought it was really cute. I also liked the end; an interesting cliffhanger, I want to know what happens next. ...

I kept waiting for one of them to get hit by a car, you know? It was like the classic set-up for a hit and run, but it didn't happen, ...

I won't get into the technical issues, because I'm not much of a poet myself, and I don't really understand the mechanics of it, but I think what really got ...

I think that if you're looking for critique, the "fiction" section is the way to go. (In this case, the "fanfiction" sub-forum.) I don't know anything about Phantom of the ...

Okay, I have to say it. Your character is a Mary Sue. Instead of being the usual Sparkelypoo variety, she's angsty and self-absorbed. Everything that happens to her is The ...

Eugh. Inheritance makes me feel ashamed to be human, let alone a teenage writer. I'd also have to disagree with the nominations for Tamora Pierce. She's not bad, but I'm ...

I'd like to second the nominations for His Dark Materials and Harry Potter , if that's legit. ... and now, my additions: Freak the Mighty , by Rodman Philbrick Tithe ...

I'm assuming you moved? I like that this doesn't focus on the emotions of moving, but on the place (I'm assuming) you moved from. Or the narrator moved from. Or ...

What's really interesting is that the people here are boys . It's an underrepresented problem, although it's gaining more and more attention. I was a little suprised; I admit that ...

Please at least put an "R" rating on this. Yeesh. Okay, now in terms of the story, I only skimmed. It weirded me out, and not in a good way. ...

Usually, I'd have a problem with the introduction of your antagonist, because it's kind-of a laundry list, but there's something cute. I'm picturing a little kid telling this story to ...

First, I must say that this is 1,000x better than what I was writing when I was your age. :D Okay, now onto the actual critique/review: it's hard to tell ...

You seem to have some weird thing going on where you put a space before and after a comma or period. You don't need to do this; indeed, you shouldn't. ...

There were a few grammatical errors ("let" instead of "left," in one case, for example) but mostly it was all fine and dandy in that department. Also, I'm not sure ...

Two words, darling: spell & check. :oops: There are a lot of spelling errors that a spell checker would've picked up on. (There's a free spell checker here , if ...