Matthews

I liked this, but eh...why was Trevor scared? Did the kids staring make him nervous and then he sweated, OR did he pee his pants? And if he peed his ...

Wow, this was great!! I agree with amiemalamie that your work should totally be published! I liked the twist at the end, and how the story did not get dull ...

I like this! Good job :) I agree that the last line should be changed, or added to. Oh, and I think you should take off the "and" from the ...

Whoa! This is awesome! I LOVE it! You are an excellent writer!

Purple - comments Red - altered Italics - take out Green - things I like “C’mon you guys, who wants to jump?” She asked again, her voice edging toward bitterness. ...

Jabber: Thanks for the review! I can see what you mean about there being too much dialogue. I thought that was kinda hard too, about them both kinda being the ...

K, I'll have to see about adding some subtle signs...Thanks for the reviews!

Aw, how cute! Very sweet!

Haha! You're right! Well, I thought using "broken" sounded really obvious and kinda boring, so "soiled" was a little more creative, but I still hadn't decided for sure. Actually, I'm ...

Hmm, I agree this needs work, it's just a bunch of interesting questions right now. Not terrible, but not overly exciting or enjoyable to read...Work on imagery and add some ...

Haha nice idea! I like it, except for the cursing, which I'm never a fan of. But it's your poem. Creative and original! :P

Wow, I liked this! Great job!

This was nice. Quite refreshing, as it's a new, original idea. I liked it! Keep it up!

I agree, this was powerful and gripping. The odd, short line breaks threw me off somewhat, making it harder to read...and a little more imagery and description wouldn't be amiss. ...

Hmm. About that line break. Well, just reading it, suddenly it was like "pause", then "continue". Maybe it was just my silly old brain, but it didn't flow nicely. A ...