Published January 31, 2011
-Dark in Light-
Light, strong and careless.
Dark, willful and shapeless.
Neither have thoughts
nor minds to care so
but both have physiques
to do as they’re told.
Light swallows Dark,
but she can’t help
from being bitten
by him.
Dark lives in Light,
but he still can’t
fight her bright
attraction.
Both know the other’s secrets,
yet neither is stronger.
Both try to overcome,
but neither has progressed.
Instead,
they caress,
each held in tune.
Light holds Dark’s body,
Dark holds Light’s tongue.
Circles and circles
they turn,
shedding skin,
growing vague,
mixing and blending
two bodies without heads.
Like bride and groom.
*Note: at my audition, I was given a painting to use for inspiration, a jumping off point. If I could find the picture this is based, it might look a little better, but I have not been able to find it again. But, all in all, I still hope you enjoyed reading it.
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141,745 Literary Works • 675,666 Reviews
This was nice. Quite refreshing, as it's a new, original idea. I liked it! Keep it up!
i really like this!
The last line seems irrelevant, but thats just my opinion. Im sure it makes sense with the picture you talked about! (:
I really like this stanza:
i hope your audition went well!
Wow! Such a strong poem. When I first looked at the title, i thought it was going to be quite dark and, although some lines were just that, it was actually a beautifully crafted love poem. I love the description in the first stanza, using personification to create almost two characters. The flow of the poem is really well written, growing more and more deeper and intense.
Hope it helped - am sort of new to this whole thing. Really great poem overall xxx
When you read further, you can tell the impression and point of the poem is almost a love-hate relationship and the metaphor between two characters in that situation and the opposites of light and dark is a really original idea. The only thing i think you could work on is the ending; it sort of drags the poem on. I think you could also finish with a stronger line/stanza.
Just my honest opinion