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Re: Ode to the Summer Sun
I just wanted to say this was beautiful and I really liked it! Kitty15 pretty much got all the nitpicks Well I’ll confess that sometimes I wonder Take off the ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: Untitled Song
I like it. The way you have the line breaks throws me off somewhat while reading it, but as it is meant to be a song, it doesn't matter. Only ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: Concrete Paved out World
I loved this, I really did. It was pretty darn awesome :) Couple suggestions: It's a concrete paved out world out there, Scrap metal danglen' though the air. Maybe it ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: A Prayer of Understanding
Angry shouts and scorching flame I really like this stanza. I think it has to be my favorite out of the whole poem! Pounding feet and steely fangs My bloody ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: Home
It felt too long...more of a story than anything. In fact, if you took this theme and made a short story out of it would probably be more readable, not ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: Sudoku weekend.
I think reading this damaged my brain. In fact, I'm positive I'll never be quite the same after such an...interesting experience!!! lol jk, but seriously, I didn't get this at ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: Beauty
I didn't really get the meaning of this, and usually that's not the case. For then true beauty would be found, which is something saved for the divine, we'd gaze ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: Tomorrow, yesterday, but never today
Ooh I loved this!!! It's awesome! I love the meaning behind it and the rhyming was good except in one small place hardly mentionable. :) I forget about the present. ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: Faces From The Past
Hmm, I liked this, but the repeats of certain phrases bothered me: Faceless. Faceless. Here for example. The repeats seem unnecessary and draw me away from the main point. I ...
Jan 30, 2011 -
Re: Bed, Pure
I liked this...alot. For me, it's a message many young people should read today. They don't realize what a gift purity is. The last bit, somehow threw me off the ...
Jan 28, 2011 -
Re: A Little Boulder (Bolder)
Haha I liked this, and I LOVED that it is actually about a boulder!!! This line kinda threw me the "P word" supposed to be pain? It was probably just ...
Jan 28, 2011 -
Re: Promise
I like this, but I agree with LilySoulMahon that if it were lengthened and you added more imagery it would be even better. I realize you just randomly put this ...
Jan 28, 2011 -
Re: Memory. (now in stanzas)
Wow, this was very emotional and powerful! Great job! That's all part of the art; taking something that happens in life, and exaggerating it and making it something big. Even ...
Jan 28, 2011 -
Re: Finally
I like the message it conveys, but I agree it has little imagery, and seems rather forced. In the first two stanzas you overuse the word "finally" it is used ...
Jan 28, 2011 -
Re: Blind
I really liked this, it's true, emotional, and well written. It seemed to me that you have interesting breaks in the stanzas, like here: She asks if I'm all right. ...
Jan 28, 2011
