MaryEvans

It’s short but flashes out the characters and establishes the story well. You might want to be more subtle about the character’s impressions of one another in the narrative, try ...

Nice work with this story. I like the dreamy beginning, especially with the scenery of the lake and moon. The detail about the birds was quite nice too. A glimpse ...

[“less boring then the two” – than, sorry it bugged me had to point it out] The beginning is somewhat sudden, you might wish to work on it a bit. ...

Since nitpicking is what i am good at, here it goes: “The glass fell to the floor, falling”- you should be already able to see what’s wrong here. I get ...

Adding to what was already pointed out in previous reviews: “it was beautiful as put it on” – typo. “and felt to piercings” – another one. I’m not certain about ...

“Selina Glow was never a believer, always sceptic, there was always a reason.” While it’s not incorrect I suggest the first one goes in perfect progressive – “Selina Glow has ...

Ok… Here are some nitpicky remarks first: “one piece of silky ash” – silky ash what? Cloth? Silk? Cotton? Or was she wearing ash, which I find kind of difficult ...

You need something better as a first opening statement. As it is now it’s too complex, too long and gives too much information. Instead you should aim to slowly introduce ...

Again a bit of nitpicking first: “Stan stared at me, looking like” – it’s not particularly bad and not exactly a repletion since you used look in a different meaning ...

I’ll start with some nitpicking of word choice and such minor stuff: “redemption” – I don’t think that’s the word you wanted to use. Revenge is getting back at someone, ...