MargoSeuss

Crepes and pizza are flat. This person is a germaphobic and they have locked themselves away in their room. They can only eat crepes and pizza because they are the ...

Just here for a comment. This is a pretty little piece you've written. I love the phrase 'turkish delight sky.' And your last rhyming pair was lovely. The flow is ...

Perhaps I should bulk this story up a little more. Usually people tell me my stories are too long! If you want to understand the characters better I suggest you ...

I'm glad you liked this. This is part of a series of stories that take place at Amigone Funeral Home with Terence. I recommend you read some of the others ...

Ah. Now I see. Hmm. I guess I put them their because (what are those called, ellipses?) I wanted the reader to imagine the word trailing off. Sorry it reminded ...

I personally think everything sounds better with rhyme too. However, my usual poetry rhymes and I was trying to get away from that. I wanted to try something different. The ...

Thanks for your review. I agree with your idea to change I'd feel to I felt. I'm not really sure what to do with the line "I moved away from ...

Glad to be of help!

Sure! Apologies for my daft insight. I'm kinda lame when it comes to deciphering symbolism and all that yahoo.

You know when you see a deer off to the side of the road at night? All you can see is the red glow of their eyes. That is what ...

Thank-you so much, Renard. I do agree that this is too long. Many of my short stories are anything from 'short.' Perhaps I should break it up. I find because ...

Yes, it's called ectoplasm. :)

I'm thrilled you enjoyed this! You are right, the commas don't need to be there. I use commas at the end of a line to indicate that each line is ...

Thank-you for your review. I do like the way 'draw back' sounds. I think the reason I chose suck is because it makes me think of someone gasping (like a ...

That was Ash thinking that. I might take that out as well, or tell it from Terence's perspective. I have written a stories where I deliberatley changed view points from ...