Lynlyn

No more of this "my action scenes are cheesy" stuff, lady. No self-depreciation allowed! This has character. And, by general definition, it kicks some serious behind. To start, I know ...

Most of your grammar stuff has been covered - the they're/their and you're/your has been addressed, so I think if you get a handle on that, you'll be fine. Right ...

Jiggity already pointed out the couple of "uhh" moments I had in regards to grammar/wording, so I'll just say that I really enjoyed this and I hope you continue on ...

This is very cool, I likey. Just a few short things: Eminate > emanate. Eminate looks right, but it's not. I'm always tempted to spell it that way. Loathe should ...

I really, really liked this, especially the concept of "acerbicrunons," which, I must admit, took me a minute to catch. (I was about to look it up; I'm that dumb.) ...

Something euclidean just gave you some great tips, so I'll try not to repeat what has been said before. I agree that "nites" really should be "nights" and your Is ...

My teacher probaly picked up things that Golding probably didn't even realise. Somehow, seeing as it's Golding, I doubt that. :lol: Every freckle on every character's face probably had a ...

I agree with the above comments (mark it on the calendar!). Everyone and their dog has been told to "show, not tell" with their fiction, but really it applies just ...

Abaab... cdccd...? I'm impressed, that's the first time I've seen that here. It gently trembles with a quake, I know this is for the purposes of rhyming, but I feel ...

Like someone else said, I'm not sure how well this would stand alone as a poem, but as lyrics it's a nice piece. I like the soft repetition, it sort ...

This is catchy and would make a good angry rock song, but I'm wondering how much trouble you're going to have with writing music that fits it (unless you've already ...

You've got a good start, and with some editing this could really shine. However, there are a couple of things that I'd like to see more of here: you need ...

I feel like maybe you *did* go over the top, if only a touch. On the other side of the road stood a number of flats. Tess wondered how they ...

Yeah, I have to admit that when I was reading the description of her vomiting in the first chapter I actually gagged because I was so grossed out. Whether or ...

Wow, I saw this on the front page and the first few paragraphs really drew me in - that doesn't happen too often. I wasn't expecting it to be in ...