Lynlyn

I agree with the suggestion of cutting down the "this is the child" to once per stanza. It's purely your choice, but I feel like it would help the flow ...

I haven't read any of these books (all the way through, at least), so consider these sort of second-hand recommendations. This is a list of books that my librarian suggested ...

So I'm still not really sure what this is about. I've read it a couple of times and I really like the imagery, but I'm a little confused as to ...

I agree that a title change is in order. ;) Sweet demonic rapture. Ghosts and ghouls; satanic laughter. Pumpkins glowing bright. The only lantern for a souls delight. The slant ...

I have to agree with Cade's comments about the commas and such. I think you're sort of... over-punctuating. The second part of the poem with the dandelion is very nice. ...

So. You've got a poem. It's a fine poem, it has some effective lines - but in my opinion, it doesn't function very well as a whole. What a wonder ...

Rah! Such a cool concept. I like. I think your only problem here is that some of your sentence structures are a little awkward. Some of them are just very, ...

Heh, I thought of "FTW!" as well. Right now you've got a spark; touch it up and it could be a Roman candle. My main goat with this is that ...

Yeah, this piece is a very prose-like in places. Optimally, you want poetry to be as poetic as poosible, right? Compliments and love, Sprawled out in italics, Words of adoration ...

Hey now, we're not that mean. Give us some credit. :P You have some lovely imagery here, considering the length and sparseness of the words. I agree with Snoink - ...

Ahh! There's still so much that we don't know. The suspense is driving me insane. Insaaaane, I tell you. Something inside her didn't seem to be working. She saw the ...

Again, nice chapter. The only troubles I really saw here were that Brad's dialogue, specifically, still seems to be missing something. As it is, he's sort of the sensitive, goody-goody ...

Hmm. This is about your mouth moving full speed, your ability to bring someone down... And yet, to me, it reads slowly. Rather than being punchy, short, rapid, the lines ...

Not exactly the kind of stuff I usually read, but hey. Why "worst" instead of "worse"? The first part is interesting, it has a pretty steady rhythm and it holds ...

AHH. I LOVE YOU. First of all, congratulations on your familiarity with the best composer ever. And his best work ever. And pretty much the best auditory experience ever, ever, ...