Lorrilrakest.

When I saw the title, I was bit suspicious - due to the emergence of New Moon, really - and I was wondering about all the werewolf / vampire stories. ...

I don't like the character. He's too full of himself and hates life. Make the character aspirational - why do we idolise him? Why are we seeing the story through ...

One big error in your writing : ] You "TELL" alot, start to "SHOW" more. - Ebony at first didn't want to talk but he couldn't resist to talk to ...

Hey :] I really did like this - and it's rare that I like this kind of elemental magic stuff. Now, I probably am wrong, but I caught the impression ...

Ace Markaa is too harsh - terribly too harsh. It's not a bad piece at all! I remember the first one which was good - but boring and uninteresting until ...

It's ok, I suppose. Some more work could be put into it. First of all, I think you go too deep into the character's history too soon. It's the prologue, ...

Hmm, I think I have two main problems with the piece. First, I think the opening is just so boring - nothing happens. I think you need something to happen, ...

I really do agree with nearly all the points Conrad made, it's very unbelievable that this seventeen year old is hiking across countries etc etc. However, I think you could ...

Very well written. It wasn't too emotional, neither too comical and insensitive. Like MRDR said, there's a great balance. I also wonder if we can learn more about the Father, ...

Very interesting stuff :D :D I know people are saying to solidify it in reality, but I think otherwise. I think it should be a fun, maybe Burton-esque, absurdist fiction. ...

I was so absorbed in the story half-way through that I forgot to be looking for mistakes and inconsistencies. But hey, I suppose it's a good thing. I'm not sure ...

Hi. Well, as Master_Yoda said, I do agree about the general plot being done before - and if it's the first paragraph then obviously that's not a very good impression ...