I need dreadfully need feedback. I made this up on a whim the other day, and I don't know if I should continue or not.
I’m not an evil witch, if that’s what you think I am. I’m just a simple candy maker, nothing more, nothing less. I most definitely do not have a candy cottage in the woods, and I have never, ever eaten a child in my life. I do what I can when a homeless kid shows up at my doorstep, let him or her stay a couple of nights if necessary, and send them on their way. You can’t blame me for children having overactive imaginations.
I had an unsophisticated life before I met Hansel and Gretel. I made candy, sold it at the marketplace, and saved the money I earned. And then what happens? The nasty little beasts steal my life savings and run away with their outrageous story about me being a witch! I still have local villagers banging on my door everyday demanding that I be burned at stake! But I’m getting ahead of myself. Perhaps the best place to start this sad story is at the beginning, and that is exactly what I intend to do...
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that's a pretty eye catching start there if the title already wasn't quite so powerful. I think this could really be quite something. Its always fun to reimagine fairytales like this, especially when you go ahead and try to perhaps adapt it a bit towards a more modern world like what it seems is the main attempt here. I know for certain that I would definitely love to read something like this because this seems primed to be turned into something that has declarations that are so serious they manage to be hilarious.
Well this is quite the declaration there to end on. I honestly love that you really fully lean into that effect and continue down that path here. I think it has some pretty solid potential to really catch on quite powerfully there and I'm all for it. I definitely find myself wanting to read more of this person's side of the story. The only thing I would perhaps suggest is trying to blame the children at least a little less, because as fun as the whole bitter side of the story is, insulting the children too often might lead to suspicion which isn't great unless of course that was your plan all along.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Very interesting stuff
I know people are saying to solidify it in reality, but I think otherwise. I think it should be a fun, maybe Burton-esque, absurdist fiction.
It should be really quirky and explore alot of the angles that we overlook in the fairy tale.
Im excited to read more - please post the rest
Great Idea, Good Work
I liked it. Seems like the back cover of a book. Please write more! The idea is (Hansel and Gretel, candy making witch) not original, although the twist you're putting on it may make it much more entertaining. Please PM me with any questions you have, and when you put the next chapter up!
Well, I guess it could be a good idea. The beginning isn't anything special, though, to be honest. When I read it I get the feeling that I've already read it before, or something just like it. The witch's voice also isn't very developed, but seeing as this is just a very short section of the story, I know that you couldn't have squeezed in a bunch of background already.
Overall, I'd say continue with it. The character of the witch could be interesting if you fleshed it out a bit more. I'd just take out the part about the kids stealing her savings, so you don't give away the ending on page 1.
Hello there!
I wasn't going to post anything at first because the number of comments is a little intimidating, but I thought what the hillbillyonahaystack. I might at well.
This kind of reminds me of a story I wrote; a revised version of "The tell-tale heart" from a mouse's point of view; talking about how the story they knew had been completely fabricated by the townspeople; and how the real story was about a greif-stricken old man hoping for redemption and a young man consumed with revenge.
The difference being mine was fourteen pages because it was for an assignment.
Anyways; it really tickles me when people think of imaginative stories.
Hansel and Gretel from the witch's point of view: Very Clever!
Twilight fanfic: Not so much
Twilight fanfic with the Hansel and Gretel Witch and a homosexual orc: Pretty Freakin' Clever; probably impossible to do.
Here's you pink elephant back; he was giving me a headache :elephant:
FIVE STARS FOR INGENUITY.
~ Empress Meagan
Hi there!
I never thought of reading of story of Hansel and Gretel where the witch is actually the victim. I think its brilliant that somebody actually could think that the witch isn't evil as the original story paints it. I've read Hansel and Gretel millions of times... Well, actually my grandma read it for me a millions of times, but anyways, I love it 
and I look forward to reading more. So, please pm me when you post your next chapter.
Till then
I definitely think it's a great start to a story. If you're an avid reader and you start to write it's always a task to push everybody Else's idea away and come up with one all your own! Who would think to reveal Hansel and Gretel's enemy as the good guy and flip the story upside down!? Definitely keep writing! Lengthen it, add a plot and all the other story elements, and I truly think you have got a story there, waiting to be read. Thanks for sharing your idea with everyone:)
~Dakota
Hi
I really like your idea on this story! I think you should continue on it and make it longer. It was a little short, but that's okay I guess. It was intriguing and I want to know more
You should add a little more detail on the witch, since she's your Main Character. I couldn't find anything wrong with it that hadn't already been posted.
Keep writing!
~Tayla
Yes!!! Alternate fairy tales are the best! I love it. It's got a "Wicked" feel to it. Definitely stick with it! Most people aim for the big ones like Beauty and the Beast or Snow White, but I think this would make an equally interesting story.
Hey there, I'm Echo! I'll be reviewing today, mmkay?
Other than that, it was short.
It's a good start, I guess. Not super intriguing, in my taste, but still good. I'd still like to find out the rest of the story though. So keep up the work. And maybe make it a little longer next time?
- Echo
Hey blue. It’s lily, here with my review for you!!!!
Nitpicks
The missing article ‘the’ is bolded, so you know where to find it. Without that one little word, the sentence doesn’t quite make sense.
Overall
This is such a cute take on the story of Hansel and Gretel, or more importantly, this is a cute take on the witch’s story. But you did give away a lot in one particular sentence.
This is information that you want to save for the story. Instead, just use something like “Those little beasts destroyed everything.” Or “Those little monsters ruined my life.”
Looking Ahead
One thing you’ll want to make sure you do is to give the witch a real personality. She’ll need the same flaws and perfections as a regular person just as she’ll need a past and a backstory. Does she have a cat with a lazy eye, or is she missing a finger on one hand? She she always smell delightfully like carmel apples all of the time, or does her kitchen always sparkle, not matter how much candy she makes? Was she an only child, or the youngest of seven brothers? These details make the character real.
Anyway, when you add more, let me know. I’d love to read more of it. Fairy tale spoofs are always so much fun to read.
~lilymoore
A parody of a fairy tale! I love this idea. When something that have been told millions of time in the same way like the original Hansel and Gretel, it becomes boring. I really like the way the story being told in the point of view of the witch, or the "candy maker" in the story. It give us a whole new perspective about what really happened in the story. But you kind of gave away too much information in this prologue, it takes away my interest.
However, I still want to read more about this "candy maker" and her story!
I definetly think you should keep writing this story! I would never have thought to write a story from this perspective. The only thing I didn't like was the fact that you already told the ending. I think it would have worked out better if you had made the witch stop herself, then start over from the beginning. I don't like to know the ending before the story even starts. I would have liked it better if you hinted at the fact that Hansel and Gretel are more than they seem.
All in all, I think it was very original and made me hungry for more! Please PM me when you write more of this!
Hmmm.
Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about it. My first instinct is to say that this is all telling and you need to show us, but it is a beginning, and many begin like this. Maybe that's my problem. It's not exactly original.
Now, I know I can be taken for a hypocrite, since I don't have amazing beginnings myself, but I do always try to grab the reader and drag them down with me into the world I've created. I don't feel like you're doing that here. Just... think on it. Try to come up with a beginnign so refreshing and weird and oddly striking that we can't help but love it, you know? Yes, it would be hard, but that's the fun of writing! It's alwats a challenge.
You've got a good idea here. I like the thought of knowing the witch's - or I guess she's not a witch! - side of the story. You've told us what to expect already, sort of, and I look forward to seeing what you do. But I would like to see a hook or a beginning that will do the upcoming plot justice.
Wow, three paragraphs just to get one point across. Sorry about the rant. Just wanted to help. What I REALLY meant to say was, I do like it, but I think you could have a better beginning. There. I did it. Why is that so hard?
Anyway, keep writing, and PM me if or when you continue this!
I like this idea. It's different, it's unique, and overall, I think it's genius.
I absolutely love how you began your introduction:
"I’m not an evil witch, if that’s what you think I am. I’m just a simple candy maker, nothing more, nothing less. (I love that sentence.) I most definitely do not have a candy cottage in the woods, (very well said) and I have never, ever eaten a child in my life. I do what I can when a homeless kid shows up at my doorstep, let him or her stay a couple of nights if necessary, and send them on their way. You can’t blame me for children having overactive imaginations. (the last sentence is very good, it made me want to read more)"
Great job! I love this!
Like the others, i really like this idea, it's original. Even though it is short, I enjoyed it so please PM me when you post more of it. Well done and keep writing!
Afeefah
Hey Blu, I don't know if we've met! Anyway, I'm Stella, hi *waves*
So, this caught my eye because I love fairytales, and it's short so I'll just give you a quick critique:
Okay, it's a bit short to do a full one on, so here are my thoughts: I like the idea of showing the bad side of Hansel and Gretel, it's a really good idea and one that could be amusing. However:
-By telling us they ran away with her lifesavings and told the world she was a witch, you've already given away a large part of your story. Try rewording it so it's more mysterious, you know "But that was all before Hansel and Gretel came along and ruined everything" or something like that...
-It's alway good to know where your character is speaking from. I mean, what's she doing at the moment? Is she in trouble? Or just at home chilling? Did everything calm down? Or are you going to work to this moment and then go on?
-Didn't she have friend sbefore, people who had eaten her candy and trusted her? Were they turned against her as well?
-Why does she get homeless children on her doorstep?
It's very short, and you definitely have material to make it longer with. I think it could work well, and you should continue it. My advice though, would be not too stretch it out too long when you do- that's when retellings begin to kind of get annoying.
As I say, there isn't a whole lot for me to say, develop your voice and have fun with this- that's what'll make it the best it can be!
Hope I helped, and drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella.
I love it, too. It's very original, and telling it from the "villain's" (if indeed the 'witch' is the villain in your tale) perspective will be fun to write as well as read.
I think the best moment in this is when you let the witch talk about "life savings" and "homeless kids". It grounds the story very much in reality, and works very well if you want to twist the traditional Hansel and Gretel. You've taken the first step, but would it work better if you were to shed the fairytale atmosphere completely? It depends, of course, where you're setting it. A modern day Hansel and Gretel could be interesting, but I'm guessing from these two paragraphs that this is not where you're heading. In that case, using "kid" seems out of place, but you understand what I'm getting at - I think detatching it from the original story even further might work even better.
As it is, it's still great. You just need to solidify your target here. Are you simply retelling the story from a different POV? In which case, you'll need to watch the kind of language you use to make sure it fits with the original. Are you modernising it? It's a rough idea, but a very good one and I hope you continue with it.
Oh totally write more! I love it already!
A little bit on the short side but a great beginning
Writing it from the "Witch's" perspective is really creative.
Good luck! I can't wait to read more.
I like it. I don't think anyone's looked at the story of 'Hansel and Gretel' from the angle that you're looking at it from. Though written many different ways, it's always been the same old two kids walking through the forest who run into a witch that tries to eat them. I like your version. Definately keep writing.