Loose

Ok, that font is disgusting. What ever happened to classic font? Everyone is making theirs ugly. Please, fix it!

**Gags, chokes and dies on the foul chatspeak** This is a writing society, and we tend to prefer an actual language! Please, don't ever, ever do that again. Ever.

I found that this part was a bit awkward and fast, and as Sumi mentioned- the transition from evening to dawn is pretty slack. I definately think you can improve ...

Tissue paper isn't a good simile for an apple's gentleness, as toilet paper is more associated with things like poop, toilet, wee. Tissue paper isn't toilet paper, Andy.

I loved this book. When I first read it, the chapter numbers distressed me so I through it across my room. A few months later I found it again, read ...

No, realisation is spelt correctly.

Thanks. The task was to take something boring and make it interesting. Hope I achieved that.

Jeeze, could your opening sentence drag on any longer? Fix it if you want your readers awake for the rest of the story. Also, paragraphs are a good idea, too.

Ok, I am going to say this once... Don't use this font! Stick with the default! Got it? Good.

I think that "think" is spelt with an "i"

Suz! **Hugs** I'm so glad there are other people like me. I love your piece, its like... my life in a nutshell. Isn't GAD just the best? [/sarcasm] **Hugs Suz ...

Mantis didn't say that, I did

Thanks for all the support, guys. As for making this actually reading-worthy, I think that it's a bit of a fresh subject, and it's hard to write about. Maybe in ...

This was cute. It had a few typos, though. It would be great if you continued it, but I don't think you've been on YWS for a while...

Yes, actually. Uh... um... Well, you've critted almost everything -anyway-