Leja

I liked the second stanza alot; it all seemed to fit together, but the first stanza seemed a little thrown together. I thought the "One of those / tooskinny-makeup-overload / ...

In the hollow of thine chest, Forgotten is the hatred of thine heart. In the hollow of thine chest, She no longer resides apart. ^The last line seemed too short/cut ...

Random note to self: hah, I should probably look up the form of a sonnet one of these days so I'll recognize the form when I come to one :D ...

Nice ~double meaning of prey/pray in the last line of the first stanza. The "and" of the first line of the second stanza seems unnecessary and makes the line sound ...

I think you can eliminate "sitting" from the first line to make it a little more sing-songy, let it flow better. Likewise, "Like so many other chances you provide?" you ...

"you're the worst I let you bring out the worst in me so then, I must be worse" This whole stanza sounded ramble-y to me. The first two lines can ...

"giggling at the shivering of each other we plaster genuine faces on one another" The shivering of each other didn't make much sense to me, other than to satisfy the ...

"That brought back all the thoughts that he had been trying to hold at bay into full flight. What if she didn’t survive?" The "that" is nondescript and needs something ...

The second paragraph begins with a very long sentence that tries to deal with too many things. Break it up into at least two sentences (one dealing with what a ...

I think that the thy/thine (s) really made the poem. I as well think that "Greater Gods" should be lowercase since God in singular form and with a uppercase "g" ...

*smile* It definately made me think of spring/summer, and it made me happy, even though it is simplistic (I didn't like how the first word of every line was "the" ...

"shhh" was the perfect way to begin; otherwise I would have heard it as shouting, but here I hear it as whispering, especially when followed by all the other "s" ...

Hmm, I wasn't sure if this was supposed to rhyme or not. If it was, the rhymes were a bit stretched. The rhythem is off on some of the lines; ...

At first, the general sentence pattern seemed to be "Mary" or "she" followed by a verb. This becomes redundant and tired after a while, so try changing it up every ...

Sigh, Sumi, you shouldn't be bored :D umm, I'm not sure what to say. My general reaction was that it should be a song in a movie (preferably sung by ...