Leja

I liked the sparseness of it. It's like sipping lemonade instead of a three course dinner; less, but just as yummy. A smile still licking her lips. I like how ...

Pikara’s white blouse and beret lay flat by her feet. Hidden beneath the clothing was her morble pouch, with two inverted “V” shaped lines as the eyes and a horizontal ...

Now, before you get all Freaky Christian warrior on me You know, I just about didn't critique this piece; but then I thought of how closed minded that made me, ...

G’day, Kel ^_^ this is the story of which we were talking plot points, no? Part One I don’t like how the first three sentences began with nouns; I’d consider ...

Chapter One I was nervous at first when I saw a complicated first name as the very first word, but I found it very easy to continue reading, so I ...

Lines of nobility splintered like knives into my skindepths, misting my perception: ^ I really liked these lines a hero fall white and wordless. I wanted to stick an apostrophe ...

The repetition (especially of "yeah") made it seem more like a set of song lyrics. One thing I noticed was that the title is listed as "I wanna be a ...

I like this more every time I read it. I think that the single lines of dialogue just visually [and therefore mentally] stretch it out for me. But like I've ...

Hmm, dunno if you've turned this in already, but if you haven't, here're my two cents: I don’t believe Cal was ever evil as a child, because he just wanted ...

I think that the first sentence introduced the story very nicely. A lot of telling occurs in the first bit, and it comes off as a sort of info dump. ...

The repetition bugged be after a while. So many of the sentences begin with "Enough words to..." which is fine for emphasis for a little bit, but then it continued... ...

PART ONE “Come on, Leah, you know that that’s just something our moms told us to keep us quiet when we went to the beach.” There’s something about the “you ...

I'd advocate for punctuation not just at the end of the sentence, but in the middle too. This gives it a sense of tone, like when you speak, how you ...

This presented itself more as a list than a poem. And a long list at that. I see Snoink suggested a short story? It might also work as a script. ...

In all, I found it rather disjointed, as if you came up with a bunch of phrases and listed them. Except for the end of the poem, beginning at "Bend ...