Leja

Whee, I like how you started with a tieback to the first part, the 'East meant Edinburgh' bit ^_^ Actually, I thought that this whole first section was very well ...

I liked the rhyming in the first two lines especially. But I think you got too caught up in the structure of this because the stanzas don't really flow into ...

Well, I like this, even if you don't. I think you could do more with the words lined up in her mouth; they appear at the beginning and then sort-of ...

The first sentence sounds continually odd to me. Do you mean that the relationship will end like a bird would end if killed mid-flight? Or the ending itself is like ...

I loved the first line. It's the kind of thing that, given the rest of a paragraph to read, would make me do a head/desk and say "Just get to ...

The first three paragraphs had too much information and I found myself skimming/skipping them. Elements of them could be added to later description: the fact that Miranda is six times ...

A quick note on format: adding a space between paragraphs would help out tremendously; my eyes get really lost on the page currently. There is so much dialogue here, I ...

I love the first stanza, how it's worded. The forth stanza, I don't know. The should be there but aren't bit doesn't seem as carefully worded as everything else, and ...

I see what you mean; it's with the second stanza. The first stanza has lovely strong words, the contrast between hot and cold, but the only 'focused' word in the ...

The first thing I saw was a lot of punctuation. It caught my eye and seemed to clutter up the ends of the lines. Do you really need it all? ...

This all sounds very nice, but I think you need to connect the dots just a bit further because honestly, I have no idea what's being said. It's a pretty ...

First off, I love the poem you put at the beginning; I think it introduces everything perfectly as almost a procession into the rest of the story. And the rest ...

I thought that the last stanza was a little random. I mean, yes, cats do these things, but reading it, it just seemed like words to fill up space. Not ...

The first time I read this through, I didn't like it because cherries don't burn. Well, I suppose they could (as is the case of many things) but they don't, ...

Hola, Shriek! A lot of the sentences in the first paragraph are to the tune of [topic][explanation]. Ex: "Reese Ryan was one of those girls" [topic] "You know, one of ...