Leja

It might flow better if you rework all the "your"s; they're in just about every line and even at first glance, my eyes got kinda hung up on that. I ...

Hello again! 1) Nope, not too long. On average, it's rather short, actually. But don't let length deter you from posting. If your entire story is rather long, there's actually ...

Hello there! What you have here is a story, while the Writers Corner is for talking about your stories and other such rambles. So I'll go ahead and move this ...

A young woman named Charlie Windsor sat in the first row at the church. She wore a beautiful, elegant pink strapless dress that fell just below her knees. Her perfect ...

The sinew was pulled taught and the arrow flew true. I felt it hit my heart a second late. My chest ached and a great wind blew after the arrow, ...

Please, no ellipses. They make everything rather plodding and make me feel as if I'm attempting to swim through a river molasses. Rather than directly saying "Ink is my thread/ ...

Hello there; welcome to YWS! First off, this section is more for discussing your writing projects and such than for actually posting them. That's what the lit forums are for! ...

This doesn't seem like poetry; more like a survey, almost. It's very list-like; I can see where it's going from the first line. The greatest thing about poetry is that ...

The part at the beginning with Evelyn's mother seemed rather irrelevant. I see the comparison between the mother's relationship issues and Eve's later reaction, but I feel like the beginning ...

(speaking voice) Down a ginger bread building, my sugar glass heart falls, to shatter at your feet. I love love love this part because of it's allusions to gingerbread houses ...

This had little insight beyond the fact that the subject dislikes his/her life. Honestly, it read like a whiny rant. There's little meditation on what's so bad about said life, ...

I think that in the second verse, week and sleep make an awkward rhyme; maybe less so if there were fewer actual words in the line? Maybe "I can't seem ...

Ohhh..., we're children of the summer. Ahhh..., we're the lords and kings of bummers. (So what?) We are content with going under. (Life) Ahhh.... I don't know if the "We ...

The tone was nice, the pacing was nice, the language was nice. At first, I wondered if more details of setting would be a nice addition, but as I think ...

Between lines three and four, it seemed like phrases strung together rather than a unified thing. But that was the only place. I think too many questions. I know there're ...