Young Writers Society

Er... I don't know about this. It doesn't seem to poetic to me, and it left no impact. It's like one of those "Do's and Don'ts of Life" kind of things, which isn't exactly considered "poetry". You're telling your readers what they shouldn't do, and it bores us because it sounds like you're a parent telling a child not to cross a street without looking or a teacher instructing students not to do drugs.

It's seems kind of listy, as Amelia said, and I didn't pick up on your emotions. Keep trying.

Best wishes with your work!

~*Syd*~

Its really kinda no offense, you said it yourself, emo. i don't mind it being emo. It is a strange form of poetry but its good

thats really simple

lulu

This doesn't seem like poetry; more like a survey, almost. It's very list-like; I can see where it's going from the first line. The greatest thing about poetry is that you can say what you want while saying something completely different. Nothing of that nature happens here.

Keep the same idea, that people are selfish, but think more in images and actual words rather than punchlines and morals and it, like all ideas, can be beautiful. If you'd like some recommendations for poetry to read and learn from, I'm sure we could ask around and find something lovely.

Good luck!
-Amelia