Leja

You are in no way breaking the mold if you use the phrase "break the mold". Originality stems from finding new ways to describe things that are tired, from breathing ...

The whole point of this poem is to show off the rhyme scheme. Trust me, not a good idea. After that, it hinges on the statement that can be summed ...

I think that the best advice I can give you is to lose the rhyme scheme. Due to syllables, beats, and other such factors, it actually hinders, rather than helps, ...

Hello there! I see you're new. Welcome to YWS! Before I begin, let me suggest you post in the Welcome forum to say hello to everyone, and that you read ...

I vote not rhyme scheme. The poem is written to the rhyme, and that's not something to look to achieve. I think there's also a little too much "you" in ...

Each stanza only rehashes what was said in the previous one. As a result, there is little new by the end which begs the question why read to the end ...

Two things, I want to say, and I'm not sure which one takes prescedence. One, Cade's right. This sounds more like a journal entry. A private moment that currently, means/ ...

Love the title. Don't see what it has to do with the rest of the piece, though, especially the first stanza. Ultimately, what is the point? Expand on the elastic ...

This is just a bunch of words. Like cards in a mobile, it now needs a string to tie it together. Lists like "unkempt hair plastered/emotional/spiritual/physical/wounds" aren't as smart as ...

I think that the most significant thing I can say here is about pacing. Try not to tell everyone everything all at once. Another way of putting it: the characters ...

At once, the toilet paper sky is humourous and killing to the feeling of the poem. Seems to contradict the "musing" in the title. I like the rhyme in the ...

There are words. They make up description. But, eh, I'm not sure what's being described? I'm all for parts of things spun so that they become a thing themselves, but ...

Hello, new member! First off, let me welcome you to YWS. You may not have known, but there's a 2:1 rule here. That is, for every piece of your own ...

Somewhere a mothers tears Fall for her child. Someplace a man speaks With his last dying breath. This seemed very isolated from what's around it. Sounds more removed from what ...

The best thing you can do for this poem is try writing it without the rhyme. Why? Because it dominates the poem. Because that's all I can concentrate on. When ...