LamaLama

All of your pieces are overwhelmingly short. They might be worthwhile if you actually took them and did something with them before posting them. This starts, and then it ends. ...

The first thing I noticed about this was the title. It doesn't have the kind of ring that titles need to have. It will be the first thing anyone sees, ...

Theres a lot of good work in this. You make good usage of descriptions and such. But I can't grasp the idea behind it. Why is this 10 year old ...

Non sensical lyrics are ok from time to time. Lord knows the beatles pulled it off enough. But the danger you run into there is that the work will start ...

This is a pretty good start. There are a few points, though. "cold and hard" this confuses me a little bit. Cold and... dank? Cold and... wet? Cold and hard ...

It is a nobel try for an assigned piece of semi creative writing. Much better than anything I've ever done for any class thats asked me to do it. I ...

This has a, lets call it different sound to it. Different in that its not something I'm used too, but its neither a good or a bad thing. I had ...

There is something pleasantly off about this. The rythm reads a little weird to me, I can't seem to find it. But I like the rhyme scheme and the humorous ...

This is a good start, but your missing a lot of information that would make us think this was fiction. I felt like I should be watching a documentary while ...

This has a good whispey flow too it. Thats how it read to me anyway. I didn't get the second to last line "suburbia feels like you won't show up," ...

I'm not sure I know what type of writing this is. Its not exactly prose, and its not exactly poetry. So I'm at a standstill as to what to say ...

This has good flow nad word use. I liked the metephores 'n' stuff. (me being descriptive of my most deeperist thoughts and feelings) Good Job. You've earned a hug. *hug* ...

Some of your metaphors didn't make much sense to me. Though it could just be me, poetry isn't really my scene. The first line especially "swallowing out ribbons" I don't ...

This was aright, though it was as you said, abysmally short. It doesn't really start anywhere. You kinda just start going. It would be better with some kind of lead ...