The wind blows to the east as we run to the west, slowing us down by
the Second. Finally we make it to the river, rushing no faster then two miles
an hour, the water runs smooth against the rocks, and the small fish look
as people as they play. We sit down under the biggest of the willow trees,
and watch the day fly by, As it usally does, praying that its slows down
so we can stay and belong to the land as the trees. Katherine my eleven
year old sister, loves to run down the bank, watching the water run with her,
and laughing as she goes. I just love to see her smile. I sit there wondering
why we cant stay there and be happy just as we are at this point.
“ Come run with me, Christine!” Katherine yelled. “ok” I
say back. I get up and run. “I bet can beat you to the mama willow.”
Katherine says laughing. I'm sure you can I yell to her. But still
I race to “mama” willow. The wind is breezy and cool in the
beautiful spring weather. And I cant wait to tell our parents about
our day. But I aloso don’t want to even think about leaving, but like
all the other times, the time to leave comes.
~Needs revising I know, I just want to know If this is a good start to a story! Please Comment!!
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,776 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...well as far as the opening part to a story goes, I think what you have here seems to be a pretty good piece at least on first glance here. There's not necessarily the biggest of hooks in this one because we do have a pretty regular scene, but it is quite a well constructed scene there and you haven't made anything that would potentially turn off any readers here.
Diving in a little bit deeper, I think as far as introductions to this style of scene go, you've done a fairly solid job and you get the sort of vibe this person is hoping to capture and preserve forever and as a reader you can relate and imagine very easily why they'd want to preserve a moment like this forever.
I think that sort of mention of this preservation coupled with the fact that we have no real idea besides our own thoughts about what is causing this person to wish for that also adds an extra little tether of mystery to the situation and that makes for an overall even better opening here, so I'd say this is a pretty good start to a story here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
all I can say at this exact moment in time (doing science work) Is that you spelled title... tittle... and I was laughing.
Otherwise.... it was pretty good.
Well I do understand what you guys are saying and thanks. I will consider the tips!
I Put double space so when i print it out I have room to revise and edit, stuff like that!
i will definatly fix the 2 miles an hour thingy! I didnt even notice that! THANK YOU ALL!
Did you make double spaces to make it look longer? Maybe that's just my trick!
The format just looks unusual. It almost looks like you tried to make it look like a poem, And it sounds rather poetic...But it's in fiction, so...Hm. 
By the second. Two miles an hour. Those seem like pretty technical descriptions to me. How would you even estimate the mph of a river ? Usually not offhand. It jars with the simple, in-tune-with-nature, sense that we're getting with 'mamma willow' etc...So. Either you've done this on purpose, because they really live in an advanced society, or it just doesn't fit into the setting. I'm not sure.As artsy and poetic as it sounds, we know very little about the characters, which leaves little for us to be concerned about later. Christine is sad that they're leaving, but she doesn't seem very concerned. Maybe she should be? They seem good-natured, naive. Other than that, I can't make very many insights.
A good beginning needs a hook, preferably from the very start, even the first sentence. People tend to have short attention spans. Toy with what you think will catch people's attention. Usually weather doesn't.
Hm. Something struck me.
Your grammar mistakes aside, as long as you have a story to back it up, go ahead and write it. You may decide to change it along the way as it grows on you. Good luck if you keep going! It was a pleasant read.
Keep writing!
~Jacquie~
What is the "mamma willow?" you keep talking about it, and all we know is that it's a tree of some kind. Obviously, the two sisters have named it, but for what reason?
Just thought I'd point that out. If you want to make this into a story, I think you can. I liked it! 
Keep working 
I like this but the layout is a bit strange, not sure if its better or worse than the normal layout.
Only thing i noticed was that you put all speech on the same line. Your supposed put each new thing that someone says on a new line, it makes it much easier to read.
That was the only thing i noticed, other than that it was really good.
I'm not sure I know what type of writing this is. Its not exactly prose, and its not exactly poetry. So I'm at a standstill as to what to say about it.
Theres a lot of good description of things. (I know theres a word for that, its left me.)
"rushing no more than two miles an hour" seemed odd. For one, its a technicality in the midst of a whole bunch of artsy. For two, it confuses me , most people walk at about 2 miles an hour. Or are you talking about the water?
I'm going to call this poetic prose writing. It makes for a nice image, but as for a start to a story, you may want to make it a little more readable and a little less artsy. Artsy is good, but not for pages on end.