Krupp

You started most of your lines with, 'I' and I'm not complaining; but it might be better if you considered starting a few of the lines with different words or ...

The only thing I've really got to say is that maybe you shouldn't space the two stanzas like that. Put the last two lines of the poem with the other ...

This seemed more like it could've been lyrics to a Chevelle song instead of a poem...but the raw emotion was a nice touch. The emotion was the best part of ...

Oddly enough, I'm reminded of Metallica's "One"...the only thing I think I caught that needed to be fixed is the word "peaces" in line 3 of the third stanza. I ...

The only thing that should be addressed is the grammar. Either throw some commas in here and there or something, but don't leave it as it is. It's kind of ...

It's vivid, and that's a good start. I suggest that you should break some of the lines in half, especially the one that starts off: "It's been eight months since..." ...

I'm not bothered by the cliche part of it. A lot of things are cliche nowadays; hey, even claiming something is cliche is cliche'd. Pretty sad. The poem's great, but ...

A darker piece, but an admirable one. The only things I think should be considered is the beginning where the protagonist describes the scene of her husband's death. I think ...

The ending was the finest part of the whole thing. Keep that. The only thing I would suggest is giving us a bit more background on the protagonist, like Soul ...

Well...I'll be honest. Great story. But there are a few things you're going to wanna fix if you want to improve it. Grammar: You definitely should get someone you know ...

Overall, I thought the piece was great, but the last stanza confused things. I wasn't sure whether or not the writer was internally arguing with herself or thinking about someone ...

Trapped My soul is enclosed in a diamond-studded box With no room to move and nothing to eat Where the voices of my love ones are taunting me Destroying my ...

Someone might've already said it, but if not, then I will. I was glad to catch the twist where Lillian died. That really made the story better. But one thing; ...

It is perfect as it is, but AS A POEM. Someone beat me to it.. But if you're still wanting to keep it as fiction, then maybe you should think ...

This seems pretty vague to me...maybe I'm just not reading it right. Either that or you might want to ease back on the distorted images of the dialogue, and let ...