Published March 19, 2008
Trapped
My soul is enclosed in a diamond-studded box
With no room to move and nothing to eat
Where the voices of my love ones are taunting me
Destroying my soul ever so slowly
It shouts to the world
But only hears its resonant wail in the sinuous road
Where everyone is oblivious to my decaying spirit
But, Alas, my forever-crying soul is tired, and slowly withers away
The always-same world can never know
the mystery of whoever killed my soul.
A person told me that there were a few grammatical errors but I can't spot it so if you can, please tell me so I can know (I have been reading it over and over again but I just can't find it... it's driving me crazy!) And do forgive me if I placed it in the wrong category but I didn't know what kind of poem this was... if someone can tell me, I'd appreciate it!
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thanks!
the only grammatical errors that could use some fixing are the parts like this:
"the always same world can never know."
Try doing this: "The always-same world..." it makes it less confusing.
Try the same with this: "My forever-crying soul..."