Kaylyn

Oh see, that makes sense. I get it now... lalalala okay thanks for clearing that up, I was a bit confused about it too. *lightbulb clicks on*

Thanks, I edited it now. Please let me know if you find anything else, also let me have your opinion on what you think. Please, I really need feedback.

Really, hurry up and come out with the other part! I'm going to lose all of my fingernails before you come out with it. Yes, now your officially under pressure. ...

Oh so you've already finished this book... *Mumbles* I'll finish mine one day... So envious, how long is it going to be? Are you going to post it all? Yeah, ...

Oh yes, I orgot to mention that you should probably break down your paragraphs and put a space between each one. It makes it easier on the reader's eyes... good ...

Capitilize your I's. I noticed that that were a few of them in lower case. Anyways, let me know when you continue this, I would like to read it. Pm ...

Yes, much better. You don't need to cut down on any more I's. I did catch a few mistakes that I overlooked though. I started crying , as I was ...

Okay I get it know thanks for clearing that up for me. Ohhhh....I get it now *lightbulb clicks on* You have to excuse me. Sometimes I am forgetting what I ...

Okay, yeah I know I've critiqued it already. I found something else. Well I really didn't understand this part. “The mark that you have on your hand is the mark ...

Very descriptive. Is this one the first part of the book? I really liked it, everyone has already pointed out your mistakes. But I have to say USE QUOTATION MARKS!!! ...

If you look closely it says seems an unquenchable thirst . Thanks though, I really try to make my books understandable, so yeah... Thanks again for taking the time to ...

Yeah, I am working on it. *sigh* This is a really rough draft, I know it is way to fast... I just needed a quick ending. I was bored with ...

Thanks for that critique, I have now edited it. Hope you like the improved version.

Yes, I know I don't actually think these as chapters but as parts. The first few parts are one chapter, of course. I know, I know, I am working in ...

Thanks for the help, it had now been re-edited.