Kaylyn

Okay, I didn't bother reading it, it was so long. i would suggest you post it in shorter bits.

I liked it. There are too many I's used at the begining of the sentances. If you change the sentances around they won't sound repetitive. Thats all I could find ...

Phenominal, that is one great freakin chapter. PM me if you come out with more.

Thanks, chapter three is out. I posted it today.

Which one is the last one, do you mean Raven Rise? Thats the most recent.

Yes, it getting nearer to dark, it was almost dark when she was done with dinner. And she didn't eat. So she was in and out. Therefore, yes it was ...

Thanks, though unfortunately I had to change it in order for my story to work, I think you'll like chapter two alot though. I promise it had lots of action.

Yeah, sorry about that. Its a bad habit. I am writing like three stories right now in different POV. I'll fix that... hehe, thanks for pointing that out.

Hehe, thanks. I like you version better. I'll edit it.

Okay, okay, I get your point, I added some action to it. Hopefully, it looks alot better know.

I've posted Chapter one now. YEAH. Hope you like it!

I liked it, I was so thinking that she was smelling human blood as the most tempting. IT was the mince pies instead. LOL. Great job.

Edited, hope you like it, hopefully it will be free of any stupid mistakes this time! :)

*Applaudes* I like it and can totally relate. I am not very good at writing poetry, so I am going to look at different pieces. Keep going, and I hope ...

It's been edited 09-16-08