KatTrain

The first poem was the most impressive. Though I think the second has the most potential. It'd be cool if your wrote about how the subject felt about loosing her ...

I would add something at the end (doesn't have to rhyme). The poem feels uncomplete

The cuteness.. it.. overwhelms me.... YES I'LL GO TO HOMECOMING WITH YOU!!! Wait... not for me... sorry about that

Joke?

To KatTrain. Wow, I guess no one can see the meaning of poetry. When I wrote this it didn't come out of the blue. That was just a true attack ...

The poem seems juvenile with the wording, if you're going to go with simple wording, make sure to have a unique way of saying what you mean.

Thanks for the reviews! I'm working on the wording, I understand I 'told' instead of showed you the feelings.

cliche, find a new topic. I have heard the same poem tons of times. When you can portray it uniquely, then post it.

I like the last bit. Honestly i've seen too many 'where i'm from' poems to really enjoy it. So 3/10 for creativity. 8/10 word choice. 8/10 voice. 6/10 fluency

I've heard this story a lot. Try a new subject. brenda's got a baby, runaway love, etc

Different words instead of :pain, scream, cry, broken, etc Will make this piece a lot more interesting, i lost interest in the first two lines.

Thanks, all of y'all It was sculpting and feeding the 'lichens' young, but i see where that is confusing. Great critiques, i'll work this over :)

It seems like a poem that belongs on a card. Easy to read and enjoy, but not very deep. It was a cute poem, but there was no substance to ...

Thanks, you guys. I'm going to try to work on it (guess from the comments it's going to be an over-haul).

Fixed the your/you're, thanks guess it was a bit too late, eh? I meant the fading/thinning to show how she was disappearing, but yes i could see the confusion. A ...